I realise that no one expects consistency from me (or you shouldn't cause, you know, you're going to be disappointed) but LOOK! Another Top 5 TV post! This is becoming an almost fortnightly thing, kind of! PLUS I have ideas for
at least three more, so... Go me with the consistency and all!
This time, I'm thinking about inappropriate crushes, and by inappropriate, I obviously mean 'crushes on cartoon characters'. Look. The majority of TV watching IN MY LIFE has been cartoons, and that goes doubly for when I was younger, so... who else was I supposed to be attracted to? Kids TV presenters or something (ICK)? I'm refusing to defend this (even though I just did) anyway, so here's the list...
Top 5 Inappropriate TV Crushes
1. Trent Lane from Daria
I love Daria so very very much, and
therefore, anyone she thinks is worth having a crush on, I agree with. It doesn't hurt that Trent is a musician (hot) and has the holy trinity of facial hair, tattoos and piercings (double hot) and just that, for a dude who's 2D and basically just a bunch of lines? He's pretty awesome looking. Whilst Tom was clearly a better match for Daria, I'll always be a tiny bit sad that these two never got it together.
2. Aladdin
Did I want to be Princess Jasmine and live in a palace and have a pet tiger and a teensy waist? ... Yes. But mainly, I kind of wanted Aladdin to be my boyfriend. He's got a pet monkey, and a buddy who's a GENIE (with the voice of Robin Williams) and mainly? He's really hot.
3. Fry from Futurama
Ok, so Fry
is an idiot. But he's also so so sweet and tries his best, and also you
know he'd be a good boyfriend if your standards weren't as ridiculously high as Leela's seem to be. Also, the dude's got the mooooves! (see above)
4. The Beast from Beauty and the Beast
Maybe the least physically (
not physically. Erm... least fanciable drawing?) attractive character on my list, but THE BEAST LEARNS HOW TO LOVE AND ALSO DON'T FORGET THE LIBRARY! I don't think I'm the only person who finds it weird when the Beast becomes human again, and
definitely not the only person to think that the drawing of that guy? So not cute. The better choice is almost (
almost) to stop watching when you think the Beast is dead, because at least he stays attractive. In his own special way, which, I guess, is non-attractiveness.
5. Robin Hood. The Fox.
I like Robin Hood as a folk hero, so most incarnations of him it's just like 'yessssss, you take the money from those rich people!' but the fox from the Disney version? Incredibly hot! Look, it's ok to find animals hot if they wear clothes, guys!
Bonus Inappropriate Crush, With Added Inappropriateness
Young Stalin- I feel kind of icky about this crush, but the thing is... Obviously Stalin ended up being kind of bad, and you know, sort of caused the deaths of millions of people, AND in his later years looked distinctly walrus-like, but in his younger days? He was kind of delicious. JUST LOOK AT HIM:
Just imagine him, with his beautiful ideals and lack of having had anyone killed yet, and him whispering sweet nothings about being comrades and stuff. And would you LOOK at those
eyes?!
Ahem. So young Stalin. He was hot, guys! Now tell me your inappropriate crushes so I don't have to feel kiiind of ucky anymore...
The beast's real face? ICK I agree with you completely (or I would if I'd ever seen daria...)
ReplyDeleteMy brain is just going I AM THE WALRUS now I've read that bit with young stalin...
What is up with that non-beast's face though?! It's just... No. And I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN DARIA! I think you'd love it. Honest!
DeleteKu-ku-ka-chu...
LOL yessss to the Beast! When he turns into a prince, I'm like "Eww, that's not right."
ReplyDeleteAnd not that condone or support Stalin in any way... but you're right, young Stalin had it goin ON! Looks at that nice thick hair!
It isn't! It's weird because you spend the whole film going 'well, I guess I shouldn't judge people by their appearances!' and then the beast becomes all ugly looking, and you go 'ewwwwwww!' Like an opposite ugliness or something...
DeleteTELL me about it re: Young Stalin! I feel sort of bad, but also... I want to get me a piece of that! Maaaaaaan...
Aladdin and Eric from The Little Mermaid were always my faves. I loved Belle (because she loved to read and had brown hair like me, DUH) but never quite got into the Beast. Have you seen this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uuk-h2ZYNJU&feature=showob
ReplyDeleteIt always makes me LOL. There's also one for Snow White and The Little Mermaid.
Also... TRENT WAS MY JAM. *swoons*
I quite like Eric, but he's kiiind of dull (And King Triton is hotter. Maybe.) but I looove Aladdin! Seriously, so hot. When I was younger I was like 'Belle, ugh!' cause Beauty and the Beast was like 'my sister's' disney film, but now I'm just like 'come on Laura, you literally are Belle' without the astonishing beauty thing haha.
DeleteI went to watch that video and then spent like 15 minutes clicking around the internet... fml. BUT I did eventually watch it, and LOL! All pretttty true! EXCEPT that Gaston was a massive douche and Belle should clearly not have married him, which she didn't. :D
I am still kind of in love with Trent. But I like Tom too! ARGH Daria's men are so perfect!
Just watching The Little Mermaid one... 'my best feature is my voice, so I sold it for plastic surgery' hahahaha!
DeleteAladdin and Eric were my biggest crushes from Disney too! (let's conveniently forget that Aladdin was a perpetual liar and Eric almost married another woman... t-t-they're hot, OK?!)
DeleteBut but but Eric thought that he was marrying Ariel! He wasn't too bright, ok? I'm totally forgetting that Aladdin was a liar, because hey, he totally had self-esteem issues...
DeleteMan, I'm good at defending Disney Princes... (not that Aladdin was a Prince. When DID he marry Jasmine, anyway? Did that even happen?!)
Even though I came out of third grade knowing more than Trent, I still like him. It's probably because he slightly resembles my dad in both appearance and personality.
DeleteHahaha at Trent. My friend also had a crush on him, and I always said "but it's a CARTOON! you can't crush on a CARTOON!" But I guess you can. I would have had him only as a friend, though, cos he would just suck as a bf.
ReplyDeleteAnd bwahahahah at The Beast. All I can think about is him trying to eat all fancy
*laughs*
that
*cries*
sound
*dead*
I'm fairly certain it's allowable to have a crush on Trent. Because, MUSICIAN CARTOON. He would suck as a bf though. But he'd be hot for a while!
DeleteAwwww, The Beast. HE TRIES SO HARD!
Even though I came out of third grade knowing more than Trent, I still like him. It's probably because he slightly resembles my dad in both appearance and personality.
DeleteLAURA. Robin Hood the fox was my first love! And everyone always gave me crap about it because he's...a furry nonhuman. But to this DAY, I still harbor a secret love for him, and I'm so happy that I'm not alone in my fox-love (gross).
ReplyDeleteAlso...young Stalin is giving me feelings I'm not altogether comfortable with.
MEGS! You're the best. And definitely not alone- I know AT LEAST two other people who think he's totally hot. Cause he is! Let our crushes on cartoon animals ring out loud! (I should add... It's only ok if they're wearing clothes. Basically.)
DeleteYoung Stalin is DISTURBINGLY hot. I just... He makes me feel a lot of things. And they're alllll good. Apart from the guilt...
Oh my god, Laura!! This made me laugh so hard!! I'm clearly in the minority because I thought that the beast in both his beast and human form were pretty cute. Even as a child I realized that he was the man who gave libraries as presents. Plus, he's cute than Cinderella's prince who barely has a face.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with you about Trent from Daria, but I do think that Tom was better suited as a boyfriend because he was an intellectual. I adore Trent but at times he was as dumb as a bag of hair.
Young Stalin is pretty attractive and I don't really like the part of myself that thinks that. But not as much as I should. Another not so nice historical figure who was quite a looker was Gavrilo Princip, aka the guy who shot the Archduke Ferdinand and his wife.
Clearly you're less shallow than everyone cause you understand that, even with a lame-ass face, he's still the same person! Cinderella's prince really doesn't have a face, does he?! Weird.
DeleteAwww, I really don't think Trent is dumb so much as kind of lazy, and, well, constantly stoned! But I definitely think Tom was a better boyfriend choice. Apart from the whole Jane thing. :s
Young Staaaaaalin. MMMMMMMMMM! I am sort of with you on Gavrilo Princip, but there are some REALLY unflattering pictures of him on google images... But yeah, he was pretty tasty! Sometimes...
Even though I came out of third grade knowing more than Trent, I still like him. It's probably because he slightly resembles my dad in both appearance and personality.
DeleteOh man Trent, I love thee. Even if he was fairly stupid. And was in an awful band. Doesn't matter, I'd still be a groupie for Mystik Spiral.
ReplyDeleteIgnoring who he is as a person, young Stalin is HOT. Like "let me read you my poetry" and you go along with it because those eyes, that hair.
Trent wasn't stupid though! I really just think he was lazy and continually stoned! There are some occasions where he reveals himself to be much more switched on than you think. But YES on the Mystik Spiral groupie thing. Yes yes yes yes yes.
DeleteYessssssss, his Russian poetry would be so hot!! Ugh, amazing. But still feels so bad (and good. Dammit, Stalin!)
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI've never seen Daria either... BUT OMG let's talk cartoon crushes here for a moment or ten. I had so many as a child/tween/*cough* teenager/*cough cough* okay, always. First up, Aladdin, yes, definitely. Gawd, that guy had the big brown eyes and the muscles. Totally crushed on the Beast, of course - he had a library the size of a palace, and he got all sweet and mushy with the little birdies - though I thought he looked totally fine AT THE MOMENT he changed back. After that, not so much.
ReplyDeleteHaven't seen Robin Hood for years but DAMN that was one foxy... fox. See also: Simba. Prince Phillip was kinda hot in that determined, fighting-for-his-lady, waltzing-through-the-forest way. Eric was pretty sexy when he was rowing across the lake (but dude, I kinda get the Triton thing. He was like Disney's version of a silver fox, only this time a METAPHORICAL fox not an actual bow-wielding one). I wasn't so keen on Snow White's Prince, because he looked like he was wearing lipstick.
Can we take a moment to worship the Hair of John Smith though, please? Or the deeply hot Li Shang from Mulan? Dimitri from Anastasia? The blue guy in Avatar? You know what, I think the only one of these inappropriate crushes I've really left behind is Ash from Pokemon. Yes, I said it. ASH. POKEMON.
Also, young Stalin? Cor blimey red hot bangable. A girl can be shallow and say 'I wouldn't say no' without looking at the atrocities beyond the face sometimes, right? Favourite post of the week, definitely. ;)
I remembered another one... Captain Phoebus from The Hunchback of Notre Dame! Funny, fast, tall, strong, moral AND pretty hot. Okay, I'm done now.
DeleteDude, you... you might have TOO many cartoon crushes?
DeleteJust kidding, that's not a thing!
Ok... I kind of think Simba is hot, but then it feels wrong because 1) he was a kid at the start of the movie, and 2) he's an animal and he DOESN'T wear clothes, which makes him much more animal-y. Prince Philip is in... Sleeping Beauty? All I care about in that movie are her fairy godmothers, tbh because they are the BEST! And Snow White's prince is pretty lame.
DUDE, I almost included Ash from Pokemon! Except that I'm definitely over it now, and I'm not sure I'm over any of these! I don't know if I fancied Ash or just kind of wanted to hang out with him and Pikachu, but whatever it was, I really liked him! (I haven't seen Anastasia. Or Avatar. Or Mulan, all the way through, actually. Hmmm)
Young Stalin forevs! Because if you think about it, you could have gotten hold of him at that age, and just done things that would make him forget that he wanted all that power and all, you know?! Mmmm, Young Stalin...
Okay, yeah, Simba doesn't wear clothes but... maybe we could just imagine him wearing a hat or something, to make it okay? Or a waistcoat! Simba would look VERY snazzy in a waistcoat. (Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd write.)
DeletePhillip was indeed the Sleeping Beauty Prince, though I have to say, I was mostly enamoured of that movie because of Aurora's beautiful hair and the blue/pink dress thing and the making of the cake. And the music. And the dancing...
I was totally an Ash aficionado as a tweenager, though like you, I think this may have had a fair bit to do with Pikachu. But hey, whatever it was, I still sat in the back of the cinema surrounded by baffled six year-olds, CRYING because he momentarily got killed in the movie. It was a sad, sad moment. In more than one way. :P
"Mmmm, Young Stalin..."? Yes, I agree, but ALSO that might just be my favourite quote of the year. I shall sew it onto a pillow or something, and you can keep it in a drawer to look at occasionally when no one's around. :)
Simba in a waistcoat? Maybe... Just maybe.
DeleteThe making of the cake is the BEST bit in that movie! I honestly couldn't tell you anything about it other than that whole scene where the godmothers are making stuff for her birthday, and the bit at the end where her dress keeps changing colour. And what else would I need to remember?!
DUDE, I cried at that SO MUCH! Although again that was because Pikachu was sad... Very confusing feelings! Also there's this episode where Ash is going to leave Pikachu with other Pikachus and walks away and cries and I CRIED AT THAT TOO. I am so lame.
OMG, if you sew 'mmmm young stalin' onto a pillow for me, I will DIE and be SO happy! If the other side is his magnificent face, all the better!
YES! Pikachu cried... that must be why... *coughs again, and blushes just for good measure*
DeleteI AM TOTALLY LIKE THAT WITH SLEEPING BEAUTY. The birthday stuff was the best bit of the entire film. And the dress changing colour, PARTIALLY because the music is so epic. Althoooough... yes, there was the bit when he wakes her up and she actually looks like the most beautiful creature in the universe, ever.
Simba in a waistcoat it is, then. Also, you know in the back of your mind that if Simba was a dude instead of a lion he would TOTALLY look like Chris Hemsworth. Maybe with a touch of Chase Crawford thrown in during the five seconds where he's half cub, half lion...
Yeah, I really should stop analysing the politics of lion-fancying in a public forum. :D
I feel like Fox Robin Hood is frequently overlooked, and he *shouldn't be*! He is completely divine. The perfect good bad boy.
ReplyDeleteExactly! And you can't EVER feel bad about fancying Robin Hood, because he's clearly awesome! And he's EVEN BETTER when he's a fox :)
ReplyDeleteYOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.
ReplyDeleteI was obsessed with Robin Hood as a kid. Obsessed obsessed. I lived it, breathed it, dreamed it. I still know the whole thing by heart. I gotta be honest, part of the reason I moved to England was thanks to that obsession. Going to Sherwood Forest and Nottingham were big life events for me.
So yeah. Robin Hood was, is, will always be my imaginary boyfriend. siiiiiiigh.
OMG ME TOO! When I was 8 I pretended I had an English accent (I'm from Washington DC), tried to learn to shoot an arrow and tried to live in the woods behind my parent's house. Luckily my parents stopped me.
DeleteMy little nephew was watching it a few years ago and I knew it was Robin Hood without looking at the TV from the first two notes of the music at the beginning.
So glad that I wasn't the only person obsessed with it!
Aw, you guuuuuys! I enjoy that Robin Hood made you all English obsessed! It didn't really do that for me cause, you know, I have to live here and all, but I still loooooved that movie! When they put all the money into sacks and have that rope thingy and take it out of the castle? AMAZING! And Maid Marian's outfit!
DeleteGot your blog from Bookshop_Girl's tweet - love it!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad to know that I'm not the only person who crushed on Robin Hood the fox. LOL And I love Aladdin, but my fav Disney Prince is Phillip from Sleeping Beauty. He's the coolest.
Thanks for writing a fun entry!
He's so damn... foxy! I really haven't seen Sleeping Beauty as much as some other disney films cause we never had it in my house, but I'm sure Phillip is a hottie! But I have some... feministy issues with Sleeping Beauty. So there's that.
DeleteYou're so welcome for the fun entry, I'll try to keep it up! Hehe
Count me in as one who also crushed on Robin Hood the fox. Also, I would get a little sad during the squirrel part of Sword in the Stone. Poor little lady squirrel. That was so confusing for her.
ReplyDeleteOh my, that's young Stalin? I'm completely with you. Icky but hot. Weird.
ReplyDelete