Sunday Sundries: Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

Oh, you guys.

I wrote my blog birthday post last Friday evening because I wanted to spend the weekend vaguely relaxing and maybe reading some Shakespeare because that's what I have to do. It started alright, I had some breakfast, was watching Gilmore Girls in bed and steeling myself to go for a run when my sister called me to tell me my nan had died.

My nan. Who wasn't ill. Who I hadn't seen for a few weeks and who I loved beyond all measure.

To call it a shock doesn't really begin to cover it, and I can't even begin to tell you how sad I am. Except that I kind of already did this, last year, and if there's just one thing more shocking to me than losing this nanny this way, it's having lost both of mine in just over a year. There are no words to tell you how unfair this seems to me, but I guess there is no good time frame within which to lose the people you love.

So, that's what happened in my week. Every day since Saturday has been a case of going about my normal everyday business but not really being there, staring into space a lot, and trying in vain to read Shakespeare (dude is HARD to read when you have no motivation and the sads). I'm hanging in there and being a trooper and all those other things one does, and it is the hardest thing ever. I'm trying to have these kind of feelings:

But mostly I'm feeling a lot more bitter than that. Lucky is so not how I'm feeling right now, but hopefully I'll get there in the end.

Life is pretty hard, you guys.