"'I"m not putting them on... I like a healthy breeze round my privates, thanks.'"

Ooooh, Goblet of Fire. You may take way too long to get to Hogwarts, and already I am sick of Quidditch, but daaaamn, do you know how to bring the scary! Some people last week were saying that they think that the end of The Prisoner of Azkaban is where Harry Potter really begins, but I respectfully disagree- I think all the serious shit really starts in the woods, with the conjuring of the Dark Mark. And ooooh, the CHILLS!

But let's back up a liiittle bit. I really vividly remember reading The Goblet of Fire for the first time- it was the last book to read at the time, and I was kind of nervous because this was IT for a while, and then it starts and I'm like 'but... what IS this?' Because apparently I'd forgotten everything about Wormtail from PoA, but ALSO because... you can't just bring back Voldie, even in diminished form, and not explain how it happened, can you? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME, JK?

And then we go back to Harry in the second chapter and the world makes sense again. Even now I have a better idea about what's going on, I'm still like 'whaaaa?' and getting back to Harry makes me feel calm HOW'S THAT FOR LOVE OF THE HARRY FILTER, EMILY?!

Ahem.

So I just want to take a second to appreciate the Weasleys. And by 'the Weasleys' I basically mean, let me tell you about how much I fancy Bill (it is A LOT) and also, remember when they tried to travel by floo to the Dursley's but the fireplace was blocked up because, well, that's what we muggles do (it's totally what would happen in my house) and the entire thing is HILARIOUS, but THEN Mr Weasley is all indignant for Harry and forces Uncle V to say goodbye to him? THAT is almost as cute as this gif:

I JUST WANT TO SQUEEZE MR WEASLEY, AND ALSO RYAN GOSLING.

Also there was this:
"By the time they had finished, moths were fluttering low over the table and the warm air was perfumed with the smells of grass and honeysuckle"
Aaaaaand now I really want it to be summer.

Before I get to the bullet points, one last thing. Did everyone notice the little allusions to puberty that JK planted in this book? First of all there's Harry, thinking about GIRLS (well, one girl... "Harry caught a glimpse of Cho, the Ravenclaw Seeker, cheering Stewart Ackerley as he sat down. For a fleeting second, Harry had a strange desire to join the Ravenclaw table too." Awwwwwww!) and of course there are the weird gross plants that you have to squeeze LIKE SPOTS (disgusting but oddly satisfying!) to make acne medicine. I just... It's like really subtle things, but there's just always that little reminder that awwww, our kids are growing up!

Apparently these things are more important to me than The Tri-Wizard Tournament, but ARE WE GOING TO BE TALKING ABOUT THIS FOR THE NEXT 3 WEEKS OR WHAT? Yes. We totally are.

Bullet points!

• This is maybe my favourite moment in Harry Potter so far, and I didn't even remember that it ever happened!

Gawd bless this readalong, is what I say.

• "Dear Professor Dumbledore, Sorry to bother you, but my scar hurt this morning. Yours Sincerely, Harry Potter." Obviously, this would have been the worst ever letter. BUT explaining it PROPERLY to Dumbledore? WHY IS THAT SO DIFFICULT?
• If I had a wizard tent, I would without a doubt go camping all the time. I mean, seriously!
• It's weird how some things in the books you don't remember at all (FERRET) and others that you do so well that it's like ingrained in your brain. I didn't realise that we didn't know Hogwarts was masked from muggles, until Hermione brought it up as new knowledge on the train. Strange stuff.
• Mad-Eye Moody kind of terrifies me. And this is the greatest description/insult ever: "It was a face unlike any Harry had ever seen. It looked as though it had been carved out of weathered wood by someone who had only the vaguest idea of what human faces were supposed to look like, and was none too skilled with a chisel." I mean, OUCH!
• I know all the Ministry stuff is kind of important, and REALLY important for the next book, but mostly I was just like 'can we pleaaaase go back to Hogwarts now though?' This may not bode well for later books...
• "'Can I have a look at Uranus too, Lavender?' said Ron."