"I hate Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. I think they're cunts."

Quick confession: I read my chapters for this on the way to the beach on Friday, and I noticed that the copy expiry date for this said 18th July (i.e. that day) but I ignored it, happily highlighted stuff and then was somehow shocked when my ebook had expired on Saturday morning. It was totally easy to get the copy that had the longer expiry date (and I knew this was a thing, and should have sorted it out before now and boooo me) but I lost allll the hilarity I highlighted.

What I'm saying is, there might not be many quotes in this post, and also DON'T BE A FOOL LIKE ME. Also I am relying on you all to pick up my quote slack, so don't let me down.

SECOND CONFESSION: It's now Wednesday and I'm only just writing this. Again, don't be like me. Maybe it's a bit redundant to even write this now, but my thoughts on these chapters must be known by the woooorld.

So. Johanna has taken control of her life, repackaging herself as Dolly Wilde (Oscar Wilde's niece. Of course) but still retaining the core of herself so I don't have to worry about her going off the rails (although, you know, the book is young). I'm really pleased that this looks like the way it's going though- although Johanna may have changed wildly on the outside, and to the outside world, internally she's always going to be a little bit odd, and a little bit amazing.

Yeah, that too.

I relate pretty strongly to Johanna's experience with her extended family. She thinks she's going to shock them all by saying she's going to be a music journalist, but instead they take it in their stride, tell her it'll be awesome, and that actually, she's not even the first in the family to do it. I feel like there have been times where I've tried to shock my family by doing something weird (or at least thought they'd be shocked by what I'm doing) only for them to say 'that's cool! I'm glad you're doing something you like' or something of the sort, and that is the number one perk of having a truly supportive family. 

And another conversation I've definitely had:

"And there's a whole series of 'You've changed' conversations- like we're trying to collect some kind of set.

'You've changed,' she says, as I come downstairs wearing a small black lace wedding veil.

'Well, that's good isn't it, Mother. Otherwise I'd still be excreting via your umbilical cord.'"

I'm not as witty as that, but I have absolutely had conversations with my mum that go 'but you used to love that when you were little!' 'I AM NO LONGER LITTLE.'

I mean, right? Let us GROW, mothers. Please.

And then there was this: maybe the most useful piece of advice I've ever read in a book, and, you know, I've read a lot of books.

"For one awful moment I know, utterly and absolutely, that I- a fat sixteen-year-old girl from a council house in a top hat- will not be able to cope with this situation. I do not know what to say to these rangy rock 'n' roll men. 

And then I have what I still, even now, consider to be my single greatest moment of genuis: I will just pretend to be someone who does. That's all I have to do. Ever. Pretend to be the right person for this weird situation. Fake it till you make it."

And I know, I KNOW this can basically just be boiled down to 'fake it till you make it' which of course I've heard before, but having it set out like that just makes me go YES, I feel this. If anything, I feel like this is the one piece of advice all teenagers (and, you know, me) could use. Like, of course you don't know what you're doing or where you're going, you're 16. But as long as you act like you do, the rest will come along and all will be well.

I know there's so much more to say (the music. Oh god the music.) but, let's face it, I'm two days late and we've all probably moved on to other books and thoughts and feels so I'll just leave this here. I do just have to add, before I go, that Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young are NOT cunts, and I feel very badly towards Krissi for saying so. BAD KRISSI.