Happy How To Build A Girl Day!
Firstly: If you're an American and haven't preordered this book yet, GET WITH IT, and get it from
here. Secondly: There will almost definitely be spoilers but YOU KNOW you want to read this post, it's going to be awesome, so... Make your choices in life, people.
So. I know we're only, what, 60 pages in, but I've already laughed at this book a lot (like, seriously a lot. Out loud. With noise. THIS NEVER HAPPENS) and it's made me totally sad about the perception of people on benefits in this country (but glad we actually have such a system) and more relatey than I would like to be about Johanna's anxiety and feelings of powerlessness. Already, this book is doing a lot to me.
But, instead of discussing any of those slightly more serious issues, we're going to talk about wanking.
Do you know how many books I've read that actually talk about female masturbation? Maybe one, and that was a Judy Blume book and the girl (I want to say Deenie?) kind of sheepishly did it with a flannel. And that's IT. Here's what I think the ACTUAL deal is, in real life terms, about ladies wanking:
And so reading pages and pages about it in this book is fucking (ha!) revolutionary. It's especially great in that, it's not done in a weird, mistily lit way that is meant to make it appealing to men, or even at all sexually appealing, it's just a no holds barred account of getting your rocks off whenever you want, by whatever means necessary. I just... I mean... The people need to hear this stuff! It's like a coded message to teenage girls: 'Whatever you're doing is fine! Explore yourself! It's all good!'
Just, yes.
Ah, but there is more to this first section than just masturbating, I GUESS. As I said, of course it's funny because it's Caitlin, but for every moment of hilarity, there's also almost an equal number of parts that make you sad, or even just make you think about something a little more deeply. So you get this:
"It would be fair to say I visit the biscuits as much as I visit Violet. Once she had run out of biscuits. That had been a difficult afternoon for both of us."
But then also this:
"It's really best not to tell people when you feel bad. Growing up is about keeping secrets and pretending everything is fine."
Much as Johanna is kind of a mess right now, I still like her a lot. Maybe I don't even like her, maybe I just care about her, but I'm slightly wary of the whole building a girl thing. It's not that Johanna's perfect right now and doesn't need to mature and grow and whatnot (plus, girl soooo needs to get laid) but there's a certain core to her character that I hope doesn't leave her completely because she's a unique little lunatic and I need her to stay that way, juuuust a little bit.
I've got nothing bad to say about how she deals with COMPLETE AND UTTER HUMILIATION though:
"I dealt with this with all the coping mechanisms I knew: lying under the bed with the dog, reading Little Women and eating jam sandwiches dipped in hot chocolate."
Little Women will just cure ALL the things that ail you.
1) ALL THE POINTS for the Laurie GIF. Y'now, from back before Christian Bale was a bit of a knob and could still smile without looking faintly sinister.
ReplyDelete2) "I dealt with this with all the coping mechanisms I knew: lying under the bed with the dog, reading Little Women and eating jam sandwiches dipped in hot chocolate." All I could think as I read this sentence was WHY THE FUCK HAVEN'T I TRIED DIPPING JAM SANDWICHES IN HOT CHOCOLATE?
3) The whole wanking thing is very refreshing (as you'd expect from anything by Caitlin Moran) - UNTIL the moment my stepdad wandered over and went, "Oooh, I might read that book after you!" There's everybody knowing it happens, and there's EVERYBODY KNOWING IT HAPPENS, y'know?
4) The Scooby Doo thing, Laura. I couldn't decide whether I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me for Johanna's sake, or whether to just continue laughing hysterically. Mostly I did the latter.
5) I have already underlined, starred, smiley-faced and hearted quite a few things in this book. Mostly because at 27, I still feel like Johanna a lot of the time. CAITLIN UNDERSTANDS. Also I love Lupin so hard. :)
6) If you haven't seen that JustKissMyFrog interview with Caitlin Moran, you should - it's really good and feministy and funny. Leena asks great questions and then has a fangirl moment at the end and tells Caitlin she smells of cleanliness. ALL THE WIN.
1) To me, Christian Bale is still Laurie so I will love him forever. It's just the way life is. *sigh*
Delete2) I actually don't even like jam sandwiches (I KNOW) but I just like the sentiment. I'd probably have hidden under my bed with Little Women and some haribo cause that's how I rolled as a teen (alas, no haribo now :( )
3) Hahahahaha, this is true. But I still appreciate that it's in there (that's what she said etc)
4) SO FUNNY. I know I was supposed to be horrified for her, and I was, but SO SO FUNNY.
5) I am Johanna. We are all Johanna. Johanna is everything.
6) I have not, but I AM ON IT as soon as I've read in the garden allllll day :)
Gah! I totally thought the same thing about how refreshing it was to see open wanking, but I love that you pointed out the fact that it wasn't meant to be sexy. So right and so smart.
ReplyDeleteSeconding this. I wonder where the wanking scenes would fall in one of those guess-whether-this-sex-scene-was-written-by-a-man-or-a-woman quizzes. I feel like it would just confuse the quiz-takers.
DeleteIt's not even really a sex scene, you know? I mean, obviously it is, but there's nothing really titillating about it (at least not for me) it's more like, it's Johanna's experience and it remains her own experience. OWNING OUR OWN SEXUALITY, LADIES.
DeleteYes, you're right that it's all open and matter of fact about the masturbation (still can't think of it as wanking, which autocorrect wants to make "wanting"), but the whole time I kept thinking of my own self at 14, and I get mortified ALL over again.
ReplyDeleteBUt yes! I love the balance of the funny (often laugh out loud) with the serious and the wry, and that is what makes it so good.
Freud might have something to say about auto-correct. :D
DeleteHahaha, ohhhh Emily. My 14 year old self would have just been like RIGHT ON, SISTER! Aaaand that's pretty much how my now self thinks too. It's really tickled me that you think of wanking only as the kind of guy movement though, I'd pretty much just use that as a blanket term (as, indeed, I have already!)
DeleteI do kind of love that her getting her rocks off was so talked-about... but in the beginning, I just kept shouting in my head "STOP DOING THAT NEXT TO YOUR LITTLE BROTHER!" For gods sake woman, go into the bathroom or something. Or just you know... don't do it when your brother is sharing your bed. Damn.
ReplyDeleteI quite like Johanna right now, except that she is kind of very juvenile still. I liked that her dad told her not to be a prat, because it seems his way of telling her to grow up and act more like a young woman and not like such a kid. I'm looking forward to a more calm Johanna who is still weird and funny. (If that's the way she goes. Man I hope so.)
But she put up the Berlin Wall - sleeping little brothers on one side and wanking teenagers on the other. :)
DeleteBut yes, that was the weird part. I honestly think that it was a great way to open because it was super shocking - so the masturbation that followed was pretty normal. DID ANYONE ELSE DIE OVER "MUM"? :)
I was slightly like 'ewwww, you are right next to your brother' BUT I shared a room (A ROOM, not a bed) with my sister alllll throughout my adolescence, so... take from that what you will. So I can't really judge haha.
DeleteI'm slightly concerned that Johanna's journey of discovery will mean she starts acting all, you know, normal, and I can't support that, BUT I guess if Caitlin is her guide, she'll probably be ok because that woman is the greatest.
"It's especially great in that, it's not done in a weird, mistily lit way that is meant to make it appealing to men, or even at all sexually appealing"
ReplyDeleteTRUFAX DUDE
Also ahaha the line about biscuits. I forgot I loved that. Clearly I need to do more writing down while reading.
SECONDED.
DeleteI've been really careful to write stuff while I'm reading- I have no idea how long that'll last, but experience says NOT THAT LONG. Ah, readalongs.
DeleteI need her to stay a unique little lunatic too, though I quite like her. :) I love that she's so weird, with so many jagged edges, because it makes her feel SO REAL. (What fourteen year old girl, deep inside, ISN'T a total lunatic?)
ReplyDeleteAhahaha, you are so so right. I'm still a total lunatic, really, although I guess less so than when I was 14!
DeleteI love her weirdness and her devotion to her family, and that TV show...lord. It just brought up too many bad 14-year-old memories.
ReplyDeleteI never did anything as embarrassing as the Scooby Doo thing, and for that I am grateful. But yes, this is perfect nostalgia, and it's still great in itself. LOVE IT ALREADY.
DeleteIt's only just occurred to me that baby Christian Bale looks a lot like Johnny Depp in Benny and Joon. I think maybe it's just the hair cut, but hubba hubba *raises eyebrows like a cartoon wolf from the 50s*
ReplyDeleteI mentioned the masturbation thing on someone else's blogpost. Not only is it one of the few depictions I've seen of teen girls exploring themselves, but like you said, it isn't sexual or for tittilation. We aren't supposed to get all steamy over it (which is 100% the case in most novels that look at female masturbation. Side-eyeing romance and romance-ish novels hear). It just is.
My stupid blogger was messing up so I posted twice and have now deleted the second one. Also, I just realised I didn't even discuss Violet and I LOVED those scenes. Especially when she curses Violet's dead husband for screwing her over.
DeleteYour comment just reminded me of the dead husband's BACON EARS.
DeleteLOLs
STUPID BLOGGER, SORT YOUR LIFE OUT.
DeleteTiny Christian Bale and tiny Johnny were just the cutest. And they're not so bad now either, I hear. *happy sigh*
I really is masturbation that just is. Which is absolutely how basically all masturbation that isn't for, like, porn, just goes. It's not especially glamourous, it just is. Also I have never talked about it so much in my LIFE so thanks for that, everyone!
DAMMIT VIOLET. But LOL INDEED at her husband's bacon ears. Ohhhh yes.
"Ah, but there is more to this first section than just masturbating, I GUESS" Ahahahahaha
ReplyDeleteI love Johanna. I love that she's so earnest and hilarious and also heartbreaking and just sort of want to take care of her while also probably telling her to shut up, cos it does sound like she gets annoying.
WELL DONE
Is there anything more important to talk about than wanking, Alley? Probably, but when else do we get the chance?!
DeleteYou are SO RIGHT about Johanna. She's amazing fun to read about, and being friends with her would be so good, UNTIL she gets all weird and you have to go 'no, no, darling. Just stop.' I also fear she might be one of those eager to please people, and those are the worrrrst!
"For every moment of hilarity, there's also almost an equal number of parts that make you sad, or even just make you think about something a little more deeply."
ReplyDeleteTHIS IS A PERFECT SUMMARY. There need be no other summaries.