"He gave an almighty belch and several slugs dribbled out of his mouth onto his lap."

Ugh, you guys. I forgot that I kind of hate The Chamber of Secrets. Not the actual chamber, obviously (oooh, what is it, I am intrigued except, oh wait, yeah, no, I have read this before) but the book is just FILLED with things that seem dead set on irritating me.

Stuff like Dobby. I know, I'm an awful human being and everyone loves Dobby and blah blah blah blah blah. I mean, I know that he's only trying to 'protect' Mr Harry Potter, sir, but the three things he's done so far could ALL have ended up getting Harry killed.

Which is the very thing he's trying to prevent. But he doesn't get this because he's a FUCKING IDIOT.

And then also there's Moaning Myrtle who might just be the MOST annoying character in all the books. In all the books EVER, maybe. And I know that's kind of the point, but STILL I am so not up for dealing with depressed teenage girls, not even the dead ones.

So, I'm faiiirly irritated at the moment, (don't even get me started on Colin Creevy, who can STAY petrified, for all I care) but only to the extent that a Harry Potter book can annoy me- which isn't very much. I mean, there's still magic! And learning new things about magic! Floo powder! And Howlers! And the fact that Slytherin is clearly the house with the MOST prejudices

Because DUH. But did we all notice that a) There are no girls on the Quidditch team, and b) Obviously the whole mudblood thing. We did? Jolly good, just making sure we're all keeping up!

Now we have to talk about Lockhart. Who, bless him, is clearly so much of a star in his own head that he doesn't realise (or doesn't want to realise) how irritating and unhelpful he is to EVERYONE around him, especially Harry who he's obviously taken a special interest in! I mean, he's absolutely terrible and everything, but I just can't add him to my list of things that annoy me about this book because he reminds me SO much of another character that I love to hate...

I mean seriously, Zapp Brannigan and Gilderoy Lockhart would never be able to have a conversation because they're both incapable of talking about anything but themselves, but the things they have in common! Mainly that, no matter what the evidence might suggest, neither of them will believe that they're anything less than 100% perfect. And you know what? That makes them HILARIOUS.

Anyway. The other thought I have about this section of HPness is about Malfoy and Harry. Because, I have to tell you, there were about 30 seconds in this book where I felt sorry for Malfoy, and then he did something else gross, and I was just like 'UGH, you are irredeemable.' But anyway. The thing is, it seems to me that Malfoy's dad doesn't really like Malfoy that much, but everything Malfoy says and does is pretty much just handed down to him from his dad. So I felt kind of sorry for him because there's no way for him to make his own mind up about anything, he's just always gone with whatever he's told.

And then I thought, well, Harry's family don't like him very much (although they didn't show their lack of affection with expensive presents, obviously) but instead of just getting them to like him by agreeing with everything they say, he's gone against all the things they believe (mainly that Harry is the crappest person ever) and has become a really good person. Which Malfoy is/could be perfectly capable of, but kind of doesn't want to be? Which is why he sucks.

But, I feel like this conflict of wanting to be like his father, but also not, comes up again (hint: it definitely does) so we shall revisit.

In conclusion:

"What Harry found most unusual about life at Ron's, however, wasn't the talking mirror or the clanking ghoul, it was the fact that everyone there seemed to like him."

I know, right?

OH WAIT! That wasn't the end. I mean, I realise I could just go back and add this bit in somewhere, but WHERE'S THE FUN IN THAT?! So, I just have to add that, Ron's parents are talked about because they're awesome and have squabbles and can do magic and are basically excellent, and Harry's guardians are talked about for their awfulness and non-acceptance of magic, but what about Hermione's parents? The muggles who quietly accept that there is magic and love their daughter no matter what? I think that they are pretty awesome, and that should be recognised. So I have recognised it. There.