I am dissertation procrastinating, so let's talk about my dissertation!

Heyyyyy guys, it's me! I know, I know, you've given me up for dead and you're all really sad but that's the way life is. BUT WAIT! It's a Wednesday night and I am in front of my computer, and even though we all know I should be doing work, I think we also know how unlikely that is, and so I'm going to write a stream of consciousness that will probably not really go anywhere but which totally counts as a contribution to the world and... Stuff. 

SO. The way my Masters has worked (apart from taking up every moment of my spare time, thank you very much Shakespeare, it's a good job I like you) is that we submitted two essays after Christmas, two after Easter, and then have about three and a half months to write our dissertations. About a month and a week of that time has gone, and I'm not panicking... At all... Really... 

Well. I'm not really panicking, but I am totally aware that I need to do a lot more than I've done. June has been a total write off, essentially- not only have I been operating under griefhaze (TM) but I had already over-scheduled myself to the point of having all my weekends taken up, and quite a few of the weekdays I have off too. Because I'm a dumbass. Anyway, the moral of this story is, July and August I'm going to have to be ON IT, otherwise when am I even going to write a dissertation?! Exactly.

But anyway. This is really just me complaining when ACTUALLY I want to describe my dissertation to you because I'm pretty pleased with what I'm getting away with in regard to it. Basically, I'm writing my dissertation on Shakespeare in cartoons. What this has so far meant is that I've spent a pretty huge amount of time watching anime, South Park, and reading The Sandman series by Neil Gaiman (There are two comics which relate to Shakespeare, but OBVIOUSLY I have to read the whole thing so that I can catch the other references to him too!) Just today, I've started Kill Shakespeare, which is another comic book series starring many Shakespearean characters, and it is EXCELLENT and I'm pretty much enjoying all these fun parts.

To get more specific: I'm looking at three plays (A Midsummer Night's Dream, Titus Andronicus and Romeo and Juliet) and then cartoons that relate to them (Titus Andronicus has the LEAST cartoons about it, BUT the South Park episode I want to talk about is basically Titus so that clearly has to be one of the plays I talk about!) and then kind of discussing the aspects of the plays that the cartoons bring out that may not be readily apparent just on a simple reading of the plays. I think. Kind of. Because, and I think most of you probably know this because we seem to be a very educated bunch, when you start writing such a giant piece of work, things are subject to change and you can be taken in different directions than initially anticipated. But, I'm pretty excited about my research so far (such as it is) and I'm really excited to read more comics. 

So. This is kind of what I'm going to be up to from now until 7th September! I'm writing this not only as procrastination but because I remembered the other day that I'd written a 26 before 27 list, on which I said I was going to blog twice a week aaaand that hasn't happened. But I want it to! And it's fully achievable! So this is happening and GOD will I need a break from all the cartooning. Mwahahaha I still feel like I'm getting away with something here... 

Grandad

The day I wrote my last post was the day my Grandad died. The two and a half weeks since then have been pretty hard, but, as I am wont to do, I have been getting through things with varying degrees of success (read: I can get through work fine, but my dissertation may as well not even exist). In one sense, I haven't even let it hit me yet, because Sundays were always Grandad days, but I have been busy the last couple of Sundays (and will be for the next one) so it's like nothing has changed yet even though everything has.

I know everyone thinks their Grandad was the best Grandad, but mine actually was. My dad's dad died when I was 8, and even though I loved him (he was really funny and lovely) the relationship you can have with someone when you're 8 is not the relationship you can have with someone when you're 26, and so my mum's dad has been most of my Grandad experience. And he was not only the best Grandad, but literally one of the best people ever. All the sympathy cards my mum and auntie have gotten have described him as lovely, and gentle, and never having a bad word to say about anyone, and it's all so true. Until we lost him, I never really thought about why I loved him, but all of those are excellent reasons. He was the kindest, the loveliest, the bestest. And I really really miss him.

After my nan died at the end of 2013, I didn't know how we were going to make it through, but one thing that helped was going to see my Grandad with my mum and hearing all of his stories, helping him get to bed, just appreciating his being there and being alive. When my other nan died at the start of this year, I didn't know how we were going to make it through, but again, having my Grandad there to love and cherish and be excellent really helped. This time, (and, after having lost all three remaining grandparents in 17 months, I really need to talk to whoever is in charge because this shit is clearly unfair) I don't really know how I'm going to make it through, just that I will because I have before and because, well. I have all of them with me and god, I couldn't have asked for better people to have provided a foundation for my personality. My dad wasn't wrong when he said the other week that I couldn't have found better grandparents, and even though that makes it a thousand times harder to lose them, it makes me a thousand times luckier to have had them in the first place.

There are some things I can't even think about right now (my Grandad's house is going to have to be sold and with it my entire childhood, really) and there are some things I don't even want to do (I'm going to view his body later today, and the funeral is tomorrow) but, as always, I am turning to things that are most likely to comfort me. I comfort read Attachments the other week, I'm watching a ton of TV (I've been watching Game of Thrones for about two weeks and I'm already on season 3! It's not very comforting but it sure as hell is distracting) and, as always, I've turned to Harry Potter for some real comfort. Because, you know, this:

" 'You think the dead we have loved ever truly leave us? You think that we don't recall them more clearly than ever in times of great trouble?' "

Of course we do. I am about 80% the product of my grandparents, and about 5000% of me is filled with love for them right now. I will never be anyone's granddaughter again, but really, I always will be. I freaking love and miss those guys so much, and, at the moment, my Grandad most of all.

Oh, Grandad. I love ya, I miss ya, and please mind how you go.