"It's *exhausting* being cynical."

Oh heyyyy, remember how there was a readalong and it finished and I didn't write anything because my life has become a joke of responsibility and having to do things and having very little free time where I'm actually conscious? (I fell asleep watching The Great British Bake Off last night. Something has to give) Anyway, there was a readalong and it's finished now and it would be pretty redundant of me to write almost anything about this last section (and can I remember it in its entirety? Not really) because no one's going to really care, and yet I am going to finish this like I started it- with grand enthusiasm, and a sleepy, sleepy brain.

Or, what I really mean is, I'm kind of going to sum up my feelings about the book and possibly mention some stuff from the last bit. Who knows, let's see.

SO. I was really happy that Johanna kind of went 'hang on a minute, what am I doing?' by being all sexual objecty rather than sexually in charge, but I'm also kind of pleased that her epiphany didn't have to be 'oh my god, I've been being treated not really as a person but as a thing, therefore I must never have sex again', but more 'I must seize control of my own sexual future which does not mean that I can't have sex with whoever I want whenever I want' (feminism, bitches). I also thought the self harm thing was really nicely handled- it was horrible and distressing, and it was supposed to be, but it was interesting that it was a one time thing, and Johanna intended to use the scars as a reminder never to feel that way again, whereas self-harming is often represented as something desperate people do over and over again, and never ever learn from.

(I'm not saying that that's not sometimes the case, in fact I know it is, but I also think there's another side to it that isn't always presented, in that people can be driven to self harm and then also go oh no. I will never do that again, and actually stick to it. Also I realise I'm rambling a bit now... Ok, back to the point, if there is one...)

So! This seems to me to be a pretty good mission statement for life: "I believe in music and gin and joy and talking too much, and human kindness." I'm pretty sure this is already Frances's life motto since all of those things are totally applicable to her, and, you know, she's pretty cool, I like her a bit. Incidentally, Frances has also been reading How To Build A Girl (she's the person who introduced me to Caitlin in the first place, so this makes complete sense) and texted me because she was horrified that one of Tony Rich's posh friends was called Frances... I couldn't be as horrified because COME ON, that is totally a posh name.

Now that I've fully Goslingised this post... I think one of my favourite things of the whole book, more than the revolutionary wanking, more than all the stuff about poverty and living on benefits and everything like that, was the kind of battle cry of 'don't be cynical. Or at least try not to be.' This resonates with me quite a lot, because I have, at times, been the most cynical person in the world. I'd rather hate things than love things, and I'd rather moan about things I don't like than gush about things I do. And you know what? Johanna, Caitlin, whoever is completely right- it's EXHAUSTING. It's hard to share the things you love because other people might not get it, or might not feel the same, but in the long run, it's so much harder just hating things all the time. I probably haven't been as cynical as I used to be for quite a long time now, but I feel like HTBAG has pointed out to me why I used to be, why I still find it easier to be mean about things than loving about other things, and has reminded me that hey- maybe I shouldn't do that anymore.

So, to summarise: This book is awesome. I don't know if I could have loved it any more, except maybe if Krissi had actually come out- but then again, I've heard that it's going to possibly be a trilogy and therefore, patience my friends, am I right? A giant thank you to Emily for hosting the readalong, and hey, don't forget that if you're in America you can totally preorder the book here (and you definitely should). Apologies for not exactly sticking to the schedule, but I'm pretty impressed with myself for getting all the posts in anyway! Go me..?