Friday 25 January 2013

"He gave an almighty belch and several slugs dribbled out of his mouth onto his lap."

Ugh, you guys. I forgot that I kind of hate The Chamber of Secrets. Not the actual chamber, obviously (oooh, what is it, I am intrigued except, oh wait, yeah, no, I have read this before) but the book is just FILLED with things that seem dead set on irritating me.

Stuff like Dobby. I know, I'm an awful human being and everyone loves Dobby and blah blah blah blah blah. I mean, I know that he's only trying to 'protect' Mr Harry Potter, sir, but the three things he's done so far could ALL have ended up getting Harry killed.
Which is the very thing he's trying to prevent. But he doesn't get this because he's a FUCKING IDIOT.

And then also there's Moaning Myrtle who might just be the MOST annoying character in all the books. In all the books EVER, maybe. And I know that's kind of the point, but STILL I am so not up for dealing with depressed teenage girls, not even the dead ones.
So, I'm faiiirly irritated at the moment, (don't even get me started on Colin Creevy, who can STAY petrified, for all I care) but only to the extent that a Harry Potter book can annoy me- which isn't very much. I mean, there's still magic! And learning new things about magic! Floo powder! And Howlers! And the fact that Slytherin is clearly the house with the MOST prejudices
Because DUH. But did we all notice that a) There are no girls on the Quidditch team, and b) Obviously the whole mudblood thing. We did? Jolly good, just making sure we're all keeping up!

Now we have to talk about Lockhart. Who, bless him, is clearly so much of a star in his own head that he doesn't realise (or doesn't want to realise) how irritating and unhelpful he is to EVERYONE around him, especially Harry who he's obviously taken a special interest in! I mean, he's absolutely terrible and everything, but I just can't add him to my list of things that annoy me about this book because he reminds me SO much of another character that I love to hate...
I mean seriously, Zapp Brannigan and Gilderoy Lockhart would never be able to have a conversation because they're both incapable of talking about anything but themselves, but the things they have in common! Mainly that, no matter what the evidence might suggest, neither of them will believe that they're anything less than 100% perfect. And you know what? That makes them HILARIOUS.

Anyway. The other thought I have about this section of HPness is about Malfoy and Harry. Because, I have to tell you, there were about 30 seconds in this book where I felt sorry for Malfoy, and then he did something else gross, and I was just like 'UGH, you are irredeemable.' But anyway. The thing is, it seems to me that Malfoy's dad doesn't really like Malfoy that much, but everything Malfoy says and does is pretty much just handed down to him from his dad. So I felt kind of sorry for him because there's no way for him to make his own mind up about anything, he's just always gone with whatever he's told.

And then I thought, well, Harry's family don't like him very much (although they didn't show their lack of affection with expensive presents, obviously) but instead of just getting them to like him by agreeing with everything they say, he's gone against all the things they believe (mainly that Harry is the crappest person ever) and has become a really good person. Which Malfoy is/could be perfectly capable of, but kind of doesn't want to be? Which is why he sucks.

But, I feel like this conflict of wanting to be like his father, but also not, comes up again (hint: it definitely does) so we shall revisit.

In conclusion:
"What Harry found most unusual about life at Ron's, however, wasn't the talking mirror or the clanking ghoul, it was the fact that everyone there seemed to like him."
I know, right?

OH WAIT! That wasn't the end. I mean, I realise I could just go back and add this bit in somewhere, but WHERE'S THE FUN IN THAT?! So, I just have to add that, Ron's parents are talked about because they're awesome and have squabbles and can do magic and are basically excellent, and Harry's guardians are talked about for their awfulness and non-acceptance of magic, but what about Hermione's parents? The muggles who quietly accept that there is magic and love their daughter no matter what? I think that they are pretty awesome, and that should be recognised. So I have recognised it. There. 

36 comments:

  1. Yes! The Grangers absolutely deserve a hearty round of applause!

    This was always my least favourite book (except maybe 5) so I haven't read it nearly as much as the others but I don't really know why. I think I was just unmoved and uninterested by Dobby and the chamber and Myrtle. But it's HP so I still love it obviously!

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    1. Don't they?! I just think they must be pretty awesome, even though they're kiiind of seen as a bit boring, I think.

      Before I started reading this, I would have said that 5 was my least favourite, but maaaaan Dobby sucks so much! But I mean, I haven't read it any less than the others, because like I can start reading HP and not read them ALLLLLL! Ridiculous!

      And yeah, it's like, whenever I moan about a Stephen King book, I *usually* mean, 'this... but it's still really readable and everything because STEPHEN KING!' And the same goes for this, really.

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  2. Ohhh, you had to put the crying Eric in there... *is sad about a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FRANCHISE for a moment* I actually really like HP2, although now, obviously, all I'm going to be thinking about as I read very soon is how much everyone else hates it. So that's nice. I like the Parseltongue stuff, meself, and the 'TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE' in the air bit absolutely knocked me for six the first time I read it.

    So, er, yeah. I'm just going to go finished reading 'Philosopher's Stone' now, because it's Christmas Day at Hogwarts and that involves fudge and jumpers and awesomeness. Also, reading about roaring fires and hot food make me feel less like I'm about to turn into a giant be-fleeced icicle. MAN this shop is unhealthy. *waves cheerily and sticks her nose back in her book*

    P.S. All the Bertie Botts references were just too much - this morning I had to buy a big mixed bag of Jelly Belly Beans. I couldn't help it. :)

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    1. P.P.S. Wow I should have read this comment through BEFORE I posted it. So many mistakes! I am ashamed of myself. :(

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    2. There... Are mistakes? ... OK then! (DUDE, Eric has emotions! Who knew?!)

      Anyway. These things you speak of from HP2 haven't actually happened yet, so... maybe you'll admit that the first half of the book is kind of not-that-great (only in a HP way, so actually pretty fucking good) when you read it. Or maybe not, I don't know!

      CHRISTMAS AT HOGWARTS IS THE ACTUAL BEST! (Jelly beans are also awesome. And no earwax flavour, neither!)

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  3. Awww hooray for the Grangers!

    I cannot engage in the Dobby-hate cause I love that little dude, but YES to Colin Creevy and Moaning Myrtle being super annoying. And Lockhart is amusing, but irritating and I kind of just want him to go away.

    OH I forgot to mention how the Slytherins are misogynists as well as wizarding-world-racists, so good job there!

    I think the whole Harry & Malfoy thing seems like Rowling is picking the nature side of the "nature vs nurture" side, at least a bit. Because basically they're both a LOT like their parents - the Malfoys were hateful and angry, and the Potters seemed to have a lot of love in their little family. It takes something very major for either of them to rebel against that natural side of themselves.

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    1. YOU DO NOT LOVE DOBBY WTF?! But awww, Lockhart! I just think that if you actually had to like work with him and see him everyday it would be TERRIBLE, but in terms of being a book character I'm like HELLS YES!

      DAMN THE SLYTHERINS!

      This is an interesting thing of which you speak! And I think a bit, yeah! Although, I mean, Malfoy was natured AND nurtured that way, so he's kind of screwed, I guess.

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  4. Lockhart is SO MUCH BETTER than Brannigan. Who is pretty great but mostly because Kif is there. That said, I'd love for the two of them to have a conversation together. Or I guess it'd really be two monologues as they each talked at each other, but still.

    Not that I like Malfoy but I do think he and Harry's shitty homelives are in different worlds. Cos Malfoy's dad isn't all that nice to him, but you do get the feeling that his mom and dad do love him. It's not like the Dursleys who wouldn't mind in the least if Harry was killed while at school. It's easier to go against your family if you don't like them and they don't like you.

    Poor Hermione's parents. We don't get to hear about them because they're Muggles and these books are totally pro-wizards. They can't show these Muggles being nice and accepting and proud of their witch daughter. I am disliking all of the anti-non-magical-humans that is coming from the wizarding community.

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    1. LOCKHART IS NOT BETTER THAN BRANNIGAN WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! But seriously, those two meeting up would be crazy good. Like, RIDICULOUSLY so.

      Yeeees, this is true. But I still would have liked Malfoy to just be like 'wait... You're terrible people! I'm not going to be like that!' and be all nice and stuff, but I guess it's not that easy.

      I know right?! My assumption is that Hermione's parents are awesome, as are all muggle parents who let their kids go to Hogwarts. But it would be nice to see more of them. Harry could have gone to stay with them at some point or something! But anyway. I tooootally don't like the whole 'Muggles are stupid' etc thing! Because WE CAN'T HELP IT!

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  5. MALFOY'S PARENTS LOVE HIM OMG BOOK 7 I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT YOU

    But yeah, their shared background of guardian-toughness is probably used in Harry/Draco fics. Of which there are a zillion.

    ALSO we dislike all the same characters (how very odd) EXCEPT Moaning Myrtle, because I think she's kind of funny.

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    1. "Peeves upset me so much I came in here and tried to KILL myself. Then, of course, I remember that I'm---that I'm---"

      "Already dead," said Ron helpfully.

      Myrtle gave a tragic sob, rose up in the air, turned over, and dived headfirst into the toilet...and put on some Dashboard Confessional because she is SUPER emo.

      (I added that last bit.)

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    2. OH MY GOD, I totally forgot about that! Ok, so, yeah, maybe Malfoy's parents do kind of love him, even though they're douches about showing it.

      There are Harry/Draco fics? Like... Harry AND Draco? Together? Oh my...

      WE CAN'T DISLIKE THE SAME CHARACTERS WHAT IS HAPPENING?! (Also we both love Lockhart! This feels so strange...)

      And Megs, I love you. As much as I hate Myrtle (SHUT UP MYRTLE)

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    3. Sarah Rees Brennan wrote THE BEST Harry/Draco slash fics. They were brilliant and funny and action-y, and full of angsty and then bam, love at the end. But when she became a published author (you know, for money and stuff) she removed all of her fic from the fandom. Which is too bad because she truly was one of the best fanfic writers I've ever read (and I've read a LOT).

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    4. Head to Deviant Art and search Harry Potter and some pretty extreme scenes between Harry and Draco will come up. There's some writing too.

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  6. I'm not sure that no girls on a quidditch team in a given year = misogynism, but okay.

    Draco is such an asswipe in this book, but then I remember all of the other reasons I have sympathy for him, not least of which is that we generally only see him through the filter of a character who HATES him. I think the Malfoy family and Snape are the most *interesting* and complicated characters in the series, along with Hermione and Luna.

    The Grangers: too bad we never see more of them. I intrisically like them, without much textual support for it. Oh, right, it's because of the Harry Filter.

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    1. Your list of complex characters is fabulous and spot on. Although I would mayyybee add Lupin in there.

      I cannot wait for Luna. I have SO MANY LUNA GIFS it's insane.

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    2. NO GIRLS DOES EQUAL MISOGYNISM BECAUSE SLYTHERIN IS THE TERRIBLE HOUSE OK?! But seriously, I bet they never have girls on that team.

      Oh, hey, I love Snape! No lack of Snape love here, and he's maaaybe THE most interesting character, I think. But it's not like Harry doesn't have reasons for hating Malfoy, so... *shrugs*. But I definitely feel sorry for him later. You know what I'm talking about.

      STOP BEING MEAN ABOUT HARRY (But I do wish he'd gone to stay with the Grangers, and been like, 'oh, this is what a lovely *muggle* family is like!', you know? Cause his upbringing means that he kind of goes 'OMG wizards are lovely!' And that's IT.)

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    3. I am full of nothing but love and admiration and pity for Harry. Well, at least until OotP when he goes CAPSLOCK on us, when I start to feel other things for him, too. How could I be mean to that poor kid? But after book one, almost chapter in every book is told not from a 3rd person omniscient POV but a 3rd person limited one. As in, Harry's POV. Or what fandom calls the Harry Filter.

      Er, yeah. Didn't mean to get soapboxy there.

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  7. Well, I mean, at twelve it's a little early to see that your parents deserve rebelling against. And we know that Draco's mom loves him, so when the prejudiced opinions are given in an environment that otherwise makes him feel safe and junk, they'd probably be less likely to be questioned. THERE'S HOPE FOR DRACO YET.

    None for Moaning Myrtle, though. She can suck it.

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    1. There IS hope for Draco! HE CAN BE BETTER MAYBE! (I totally fancied the kid who played him in the movie, is the only reason I care hahaha)

      Yeah! Stupid Myrtle.

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  8. I am a little tired of the book as well. I quit reading it the first time around, so I'm determined this time. I'm trying to reserve judgement on Dobby though, even though I was really annoyed by him and sad for him at the beginning of the book.

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    1. Noooooo, you can't give up! It gets SO MUCH BETTER! (I mean, not this book necessarily, but the whole thing? YES.)

      Don't reserve judgement on Dobby, just go right on ahead and hate him. HE IS THE ANNOYINGEST!

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  9. Moaning Myrtle is awful BUT she pretty much has the worst life of anyone in the books (save for maybe Dobby). She's spending eternity with teenage acne and her home is a toilet, and for this she will always have my sympathy.

    I really wish we knew more about the Grangers. One of the things I think the movies did phenomenally well was the scene at the beginning of Deathly Hallows with Hermione's memory charm. It had such an impact, even without knowing much at all about Hermione's family.

    Oh man, I am going to be a MESS for Deathly Hallows.

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    1. I mean... Yeaaah. She does have a terrible life/death. But I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT, you know?! Anyway...

      I HAVE NOT SEEN THE MOVIES! *Waits for gasps* So yeah, I don't really know what you're talking about. But, YAY for more Grangers!

      I am SO going to be a mess for the Deathly Hallows! I'm going to need a lot of love and support!

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  10. Oh man, the Grangers are awesome. And then they get sort of caught up in that Weasley/Malfoy tussle in the bookshop are just like, "Wizards are CRAZY, but just keep smiling."

    I was thinking, about the Weasleys, they're super poor right? So...maybe they shouldn't have had a bazillion kids. They have SO MANY KIDS. They would be on welfare if they were muggles, amiright? But I still love them.

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    1. YES! I love them, and the fact that they're not freaked out enough to not let Hermione go to Hogwarts (Because, you know, I'm willing to guess that they were freaked out a BIT...) But they definitely don't get enough credit.

      Ok, so there is a REASON they had so many kids (or... not so much a reason, as something someone mean says to Ron this one time. But it's totally the reason) but yeah, they maybe shouldn't have. But you'd think that having 2 of them leave they'd have a BIT more money than before, non? *shrugs*

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    2. well, we learn later that seven is the most powerfully magical number, so instead of making 7 horcruxes they make 7 children.

      there was a good fanfic i read once about the weasleys switching at birth their last child, who was born a boy, for ginny: they could get a girl AND avoid that whole "seventh son of a seventh son" wizarding world prophecy.

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  11. This is my least favorite book, though the "name twist" was one of my favorite reveals.

    I am also another terrible human being, for I loathe Dobby. Let us be hateful and evil together. Also, poor Moaning Myrtle, though I would totally hate life (actually, death in her case) if I was stuck as an emo-kid forevah.

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    1. Yessssss that bit is cool. I don't mind the whole Chamber bit, really, but the beginning sure is slow!

      IT IS FINE TO HATE DOBBY, HE IS TERRIBLE! I mean, especially at the moment, where all he's done is RUIN HARRY'S LIFE. What fucking use is that, Dobbs? The idiot. I really just hate the entire House Elves storyline, like when Hermione campaigns for them? SPARE ME PLEASE!

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  12. I hesitate to empathize with Draco but he is in a terrible position. The thing about him is that he can't reject what his father says because, no matter what a douche his father is, he has been taught that he has value because he is a Malfoy. To deny his father would be to deny his own value. So to accept his father he has to displace his negative thoughts about himself, like by hating Hermione above all other Muggle-borns because she has dared to beat him - it's her fault, because he is a Malfoy and therefore must be more than adequate. DEEP BREATH and I will put my inner therapist back to bed.

    Also, the Grangers ARE awesome and I wish we knew more about them. It would also probably be a very valuable lesson for Ron to go stay with them one summer. And maybe he could invite his dad for dinner one night and it would be FANTASTIC.

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    1. SO TRUE what you say about Draco viz: his terrible position. Not just here but throughout the series.

      I can't remember when Draco's birthday is acto JKR, but he is at most 11 or twelve at the last point we've met him so far in the books. which means he's only had a little over one year of being exposed to anything other than his parents' pureblood views on life. when you're little and your mama tells you that the red juicy thing in your hand is an apple, then you know it's an apple. and when your mama tells you that there are dirty mudbloods in the world who are a danger to you, well, then you know that, too. it can take years, not to mention depths of self-knowledge and learning how to think for yourself, in order to change your beliefs.

      which is all to say that you're right about draco's position and that he's perfectly entitled to your readerly empathy.

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    2. CONTINUING TO TALK ABOUT DRACO because somehow this is a thing I have developed a few feels about: it's one thing to stand up against a family who Obviously Hates You And Obviously Sucks, it's like having a bully at school and being like, I do not want to be like that bully. Which takes some stones obviously.

      But it's another thing entirely to stand up against your family who Love You Except For Some Of Your Major Shortcomings Which Render You A Potential Disappointment, I Mean Really. THAT'S like having a manipulative best friend who's like, If you really liked me you'd steal the test answers for me, or be mean to that girl for me, or whatever.

      Draco, how am I taking your side? You are the worst! (But Tom Felton, you are the best. I love your little ratty face.)

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  13. The Chamber of Secrets is my least favorite as well. It's just kind of *facepalm*-y isn't it? It's kind of just filler to me. I mean we don't really LEARN anything.

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  14. You know what was insanely scary to me in the movies? That part in the movie where the Grangers are being real sweet in Diagon Alley? And Lucius Malfoy says to Hermione, "Muggles, aren't they?" and arches his eyebrows at the Grangers? It scared me so much! I was afraid Lucius Malfoy was going to kill them. The lovely, lovely Grangers!

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  16. I had to delete my post because I got all excited there and thought you were referring to ALL the teams. My bad. I was like, how could you miss that? Hahaha. Oops. Serves me right for being in a rush!

    Ditto to this book being super annoying! I thought it was just me, phew. Dobby infuriates me and Gilderoy really annoys me too.

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