Sunday 9 November 2014

Sunday Sundries: Girls and Boys and Whatnot

Look at this guys! Another post that isn't reaaaally about books, but is still totally a life update that proves I haven't died! Winning..?

Either way, here are some sentences about my life. Last Sunday I was sick for no apparent reason, and having not eaten all day I thought it prudent to have a day off work on Monday which was both restful AND stressful because I totally don't get paid for sick days which is not at all cool. The rest of the week continued as normal, except it was also reading week which meant no seminars to go to at Uni. This was great on Wednesday, when I went shopping with a friend from work, and then had dinner with my sister at my house, for literally the first time ever; but less great on Thursday when I had to be at uni for 10am to sit and be told how to do a bibliography and shit like that. I KNOW HOW TO DO A FUCKING BIBLIOGRAPHY, OK?!

Sorry. That wasn't for you. That's just me.

So that was my week. It was ok, some parts were great, I just could have done without the illness at the start of it that felt like it lingered for the rest of it, maybe because I'm kiiiiind of rundown from working and learning and working and learning and not doing much else for, well, all of October. I was going to say I was burnt out, but I think that burnout is a long way away- or I hope so, at least!
But now for the matter at hand- boys and girls and whatnot. I've been living only with boys since August now, and I've been thinking about how much I really don't even think about it. This surprises me because, for essentially all my life, I've only been around girls. Obviously boys are basically unavoidable, but consider this: My childhood was spent with my sister, my two girl cousins, my mum, my auntie, my nan. All my best friends ever have been girls, basically all my friends have been girls, I've only ever lived with girls before, except for the first year of uni when there were 5 girls and 3 boys BUT we never saw the boys. All in all, it's been a pretty female-centric life.

Even now, if I'm being honest, I still see girls a lot more than I see boys. I work in an office that is majority female (there are literally two dudes we ever see), and, doing a Masters in English means that there are not a lot of penises in the room (three, out of about 16 people). My family is still majority women, and yet. The babies are boys. The people I see daily are boys. The person at work who gives me a lift to the station is a boy. I've probably had more conversations with boys this last year than I have in my life, and you know what? They're pretty ok!

That's right, apparently the conclusion I have for this post is that boys are ok. GROUNDBREAKING, I know. I think really what I'm trying to say is this: Boys are a lot easier to deal with than girls. Boys, or at least the boys I know, carry around a lot less drama and bitchiness and unsaid frustration than girls, and this is honestly the most relaxing thing in the world. I noticed this when I was hanging out with some girls from work outside of work, and was just kind of like... There isn't really anything for me here. Why don't I know how to talk to these people? What's going on here?
This isn't really to do with boys, of course, but to do with the kind of girls I was hanging out with. I had this major revelation earlier this year, when my housemate at the time and still my very excellent friend Becci said that there were two kinds of girl*. There's the kind of girl who does thrive on drama, who doesn't have that much to talk about apart from how they look and who they hate and all that kind of awful stuff, and then there's the kind of girl who's more like a fully rounded person, who has interests and ideas and doesn't really thrive on drama because she's too busy being awesome. And I just... That was IT! That was why I have a lot of trouble getting on with certain kinds of girls, or finding anything to say to them that they're likely to give a shit about. We're just basically different species.

So, I think this is why I can talk easier to boys than I can to certain kinds of girls. We meet on a different kind of footing, and we don't have to bitch about people we both know just to make conversation. I also think, though, that I'm really lucky to have found girls who are on my wavelength- we understand each other and can relate to each other completely because, you know, we're that awesome kind of girl previously discussed. And, of course, even though I was trying to talk about boys, I ended up talking about girls anyway. Eh, we're pretty great.

I don't know if any of that was at all interesting, or if it was just something I should have written in my diary and then shut up about. Either way, you've read it now. So TELL ME: Boys and girls. Who do you get on with better? You've probably all got brothers so maybe this is a non-issue and you've already known this shit. TELL ME THINGS.

*I know, this is totally simplistic, and there are as many 'kinds' of girl as there are girls. Grouping people into categories like this reallllly isn't helpful, but I'm going to do it anyway.


  1. You're right! Major revelation, I've been wondering for years why I find certain girls so difficult and you just made me realise it's the drama. Boys are pretty fantastic, my best friend was a boy for years and years and he was the best (still is probably, except he had an unexpected baby and disappeared off the face of the earth). As a teenager I knew a lot of very bitchy dramatic boys, but the ones who weren't were sooooo relaxing and awesome to spend time with!

    Also, oh my god laura i can't believe you don't like me because of all my drama and bitchiness and silent frustration. How rude. :-D

    1. Literally it was the biggest revelation to me when my friend said about there being two types of girls- I've always been like 'yes! Women!' but being so so frustrated with certain women and then I just GOT IT. I feel like I didn't even fully explore this, but also like everyone is doing this for me in the comments and it's awesome.

      Well Bex, I didn't want to say anything but GOD you're so dramatic and bitchy like woah. (LOLJK you are one of the good ones!)

  2. I've leaned towards boy friends for ages. In high school I had some close girl friends, but we drifted apart because there was SO much drama and they didn't seem to have any real interests. And even now it's really hard to find girls that I can actually be real friends with - I have one girl friend. She introduces me to some seemingly awesome other girls, who then promptly move out of state (this is happened twice so far, wtf). The internet is super for meeting other awesome ladies (LIKE SO), but sadly I'm not online as often as I wish, so even having internet conversations can be rare.

    What's sad though is that even the men I interact with on a semi-frequent basis (our office is mostly dudes) are boring and drama-filled and don't have any real ideas or interests. I sat there chatting with two men during a meeting purposely so I didn't get sucked into boring girl chat, and those dudes ended up talking about their kids. I was trying to get AWAY from that shit. Ugh.

    So yes, I feel ya. Boys are much easier to tolerate than drama-filled girls.

    1. "I had some close girl friends, but we drifted apart because there was SO much drama and they didn't seem to have any real interests" I am soon confused by people who don't have interests! It's like... Literally do you just sit around and gossip and bitch and do your hair and makeup and stuff? Like, HOW do you just do that? So confusing.

      But I mean, yeah, totally men can be like that too, and I feel like baaaasically many many many people in general are kind of boring? So there's that. However, I don't mind people talking about their kids (NOT one of my complaints!) cause I find children tres amusant!

  3. In general, I find boys much easier to get on with than girls, especially when I first meet people. On the other hand though, my closest friends are mostly girls.

    I think it's much much easier to join groups of boys than groups of girls, as girls can be quite insular and the conversation quite often revolves around people that everyone knows, or something that they all did the week before, whereas boys tend in general to talk about more general topics (obviously there are exceptions to both of these!). I also find the general topics that boys tend to talk about (films, music, games... not sport though) much more interesting than general girl topics (clothes, hair, make-up, etc. Obviously there are other girls who don't care about this stuff, but if you're talking in a group of girls, these tend to be the things that people fall back on when conversation dries up!). I also think that boys are much more likely to actually say what they mean, without hiding things under a load of layers that you're supposed to pick apart and somehow understand.

    But for emotional support, girls are definitely the best. If you need someone to either tell you that your problem isn't important or look at things in a slightly more objective way then talking to a boy might be better. And especially in Japan I would MUCH prefer to work with women than men, because a lot of Japanese men are either sexist or have this weird sense of pride and are a right pain in the arse to work with, whereas girls tend to try to help each other out and actually ask for help when they need it.

    But yeah, in general boys are kind of easier to get on with. I've had millions of arguments with my female friends, but I think I've only had a couple of arguments in total with my closest male friends. Boys are just less bitchy and mean than girls are in general.

    1. TOTALLY with you on the boy/girl thing- boys are easier to get on with on a casual basis, but my closest friends are absolutely girls. But yeah, I think not being a girl who wants to constantly gossip or talk about clothes and shit means that I'm more likely to gravitate towards boy groups because they're probably talking about something interesting, and YES to the more straightforward thing.

      All of this is obviously totally generalising and everything, but it's also all true in my experience of the world so far, so there you go. Really though, I think it just boils down to, some people are amazing, and some people less so. It's sad but true, man.

  4. When I was at university - especially in our halls of residence - I can categorically say that I far preferred the company of the boys in the building to the girls. I don't know whether it's because I'm not that confident, but there seems to be inherent competition between girls all the time. I was good friends with girls who WEREN'T like that - but it was so noticeable. You'd be in the breakfast hall and the girls would be eyeing each other up while the boys were just schlomping around fetching more cornflakes. Or in the kitchen making toast, and the boys would be all "GREAT TOAST LOOK I'M MAKING WHITE SAUCE FOR THIS FISH" and they'd chat away until you were done, while the girls would look at you and be like, "Ugh. We're having tomato and mascarpone pasta with rocket leaves and homemade vinaigrette." WHY? IS THAT REALLY NECESSARY?

    Oh, I don't know. When you find a girl you really get on with, it's great, but for the most part boys are so much easier to socialise with and chat to without that weird girl dynamic getting in the way. Or maybe I'm just colossally awkward and a bit of a tomboy (or whatever the term is when you're not five). I also socialise quite well with older people, actually. Maybe it's just women my own age I get defensive with. :)

    1. OH MY GOD, don't even get me started on my halls of residence. That was the first place I really encountered the great girl divide, or, as I like to call it, my 9 months of exile (I have never called it that before but omg I had nothing at all in common with those girls...) But totally that dynamic and UGH it's the worst. Makes me so so happy I live with boys.

      I don't really think it's a tomboy thing though, because, for example, I would punch anyone who referred to me as 'one of the lads'. I don't see myself as being particularly boyish, so much as I'm not some kind of gross stereotype of what a girl is supposed to be, BUT I am still, you know, feminine and shit? I just definitely get on a lot better with boys on a casual basis, maybe because I don't feel like they're constantly judging/scrutinising me? It's all veeeeeery interesting, anyway!

  5. Haha, I dunno, but this line cracked me up. Well done "Either way, here are some sentences about my life."

    I feel like there are guys who...maybe not the same "drama" that certain girls are into but certainly an equivalent type of douche canoe. I feel like they just tend to make themselves more obvious and thus more easily avoided than drama ladies.

    I was definitely stupid proud when in high school most of my friends were guys and "OH MAN LOOK HOW GREAT IT IS I'M NOT SUCKED INTO GIRL DRAMA" which was partially due to a fair amount of girl drama happening with some friends I had drifted away from (not for drama reasons. For "I'm a teenager and people change" reasons.) Though at some point I realized the guys were just as much into drama as the girls, it just wasn't as obvious/stereotypical drama.