I'm trying to think of anything positive I can take away from the week, but really it's only been about one thing, and that was my nan's funeral. I knew it was going to be so much harder having it three weeks after she died, because I feel like I was just sort of getting used to not crying every day, and BAM, I'm right back into the sad stuff.
The only thing getting me through things right now is having my family right there with me. I'm actually still staying at my parents' at the moment because the idea of cooking for myself and generally looking after myself seems kind of overwhelming at the moment (it's probably less bad/dramatic than that sounds...) but also mainly because I don't quite know how to be around people who aren't going through what I'm going through, and, more importantly, who didn't know or love my nan the way I knew and loved her.
I mean, I know that's something I'm going to have to get over in life, but just for right now, it's how I feel.
So that's where I'm at right now, give or take extreme tiredness levels and also general hermitness. I've been reading some when I can be bothered, or when I'm not staring at the TV, but what I'm reading is Dreamcatcher by Stephen King, which isn't quite as bad as I remember it being, but I still sort of haaaate it. Why am I doing it to myself, I hear you ask? Well, much as I hate it, I'm so attached to Stephen King that even the worst of his books feels sort of comforting? It's kind of like when your parents do something you hate, but you still love them and like being with them, I think. Or I've just turned into a masochist.
I also watched the Megs recommended Ceremony last night, and it was actually pretty great. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't what it was, and that was kind of awesome. I might review it if I can gather up the energy, but if not, just know that it's good and it's on Netflix (US) and I give you permission to watch it.
Aaaaand, that's kind of it. Everything's just a tiny bit too much for me at the moment, I guess, but I'm just going to keep going and try and make things better and just generally think of things I enjoy and do them and see what happens. Please please please tell me your happy life things because DAMN I need to believe good things still happen in the world.
P.S. I was watching United States of Tara this week (because, if all else fails, watch things you know you like) and there was this one scene that I felt so perfectly reflected my internal feelings that I actually started crying and smiling all at once. It was insane, but perfect. Enjoy!
*Also I'm having a hard time finding that gif, if it exists, so that's annoying.