Friday, 18 April 2014

Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets: (Almost) Live Blog

I'm sure we all enjoyed last night's post of anger and disappointment so much that we're really excited to do it all over again tonight! Yay? I have heard that HP2 (as we shall call it) isn't much better than HP1, so I'm definitely really looking forward to it. Yes.

21:05- God, I think this ones longer than the last one, even. Never listen to my housemates when they say 'you can just watch one and two back to back'. Only if I've got FIVE HOURS to spare, guys.

21:08- I've just realised that 4 Privet Drive is literally nothing like I imagined. I know, why would it be? But still. Disappointing.

21:10- Dobby's about to get punched. By me. FUCKING DOBBY.

21:13- I hate that Dobby is trying to stop Harry from getting all killed, but then he does something that makes Uncle Vernon likely to murder him. Also I just generally hate Dobby, have I mentioned that?

21:16- Aghhh, The Burrow is excellent! Also, Molly. Yes.

21:19- I'm well impressed with whoever taught the owls to fly with letters in their mouths. Veeeery impressed. Less so with whoever taught the kids to act.

21:22- Knockturn Alley is waaaaay more sinister than in the books. Also a little bit Dickensian London-y. I like it.


21:25- Draco seems very very angry for no real reason! WHERE IS THE DIRECTOR?!

21:27- Oh really? Did Harry just notice Lucius putting the diary in Ginny's cauldron? NOPE.

21:30- Harry could clearly also almost die in the flying car incident (which actually looks pretty cool) . I feel like Dobby reaaaally isn't thinking things through.

21:34- SNAAAAAPE! He's very good at angry, isn't he? *flaps*

21:36- Mandrakes cure those who have been Petrified? It's possible that could be important... Hehehehe

21:39- Ron's face at the Howler! Ridiculous!

21:41- Lockhart's golden suit is wooooonderful. His teaching, not so much. Obviously.

21:44- Nice of Fred and George to show concern for their slug vomming brother! Also, FUCKING MALFOY.

21:45- Aw, we just had a touching anti-discrimination moment! Boooo people who say mudblood.

21:47- Don't worry Harry, no one is going to die... It's only the second film, things haven't gotten that dark yet.

21:50- Dumbledore and McGonagall giving Lockhart the side-eye. Oh hell yes.

21:54- Does McGonagall give such a massive talk about the Chamber in the book? I don't remember that at all, really.

21:57- Ah, Quidditch again. What did I ever do to deserve this?

22:01- Oh nooooo, I forgot about Lockhart fixing Harry's arm. That is preeeetty gross on film. Oh, Lockhart.


22:06- Hogwarts isn't safe! We definitely shouldn't send the kids home! It's really dangerous but whatevs!

22:09- Snape couldn't look more thrilled at being Lockhart's assistant. Oh, Snape.

22:12- I feel like the snake thing could have been done better... Like from two different sides or something? But hey, Harry's a Parselmouth, who knew?!

22:17- Dumbledore's office! Actually I quite like it- especially the assortment of random shit everywhere. (How does Harry not know what a Phoenix is?!)


22:22- But but but the Polyjuice potion is meant to change colour depending on who you put in it!

22:25- "Reading? I didn't know you could read." Yes. Humour.

22:29- Oh Myrtle. You add nothing to anyone's life, man.

22:31- Does Harry PHYSICALLY  have to go into the diary? Wouldn't he be missed? (Ps don't trust anything that thinks when you can't see its brain)

22:35- "HAGRIIIIIIID!" Oh. Wow. And not in a good way.

22:38- The Petrified students look really really creepy. Like horrifying mannequins. HORRIFYING, I tell you.

22:41- Fudge's face is disappointing. In that he doesn't look like that in my brain at all. Damn, why don't they let me cast these things?

22:46- I am the resident spider catcher in my house, but there might be a few too many spiders for me. Also, Aragog. I cannot.

22:49- ARE THEY ON ME? I feel like they're on me. GET THEM OFF.

22:55- MUST Snape encourage Lockhart so? Must he? Why does everyone want Lockhart to die?

22:56- Oh yeah, that's why. Cowardface.

23:00- Oooh, the Chamber opening is pretty cool. I'm down with that.

23:02- "Heart of a lion, this one." Heh.

23:04- Harry has to go on alone then, does he? Must be why this is Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

23:07- Ginny! Naughty. Sort of.

23:11- Why would Harry throw the Sorting Hat down and run? That seems incredibly foolish. Like, ridiculous.

23:17- Harry assumes he's dying, and yet he still really wants to get Ginny out and and he's so BRAVE. Oh Harry.

23:21- Oh, Dobby. You've been so useless this whole film. Please go away.

23:23- The first Dumbledore was a very good Dumbledore indeed.

23:26- House Elf magic is STRONG. There must be some kind of research that can go into the suppressing of a race that's stronger than you are...

23:30- Hagrid's standing ovation. Oh hells yeah. Also that's so not how the book ends, but ok.

So. Huh. Definitely not as bad as the first one. But no Christmas? What is even the point?


  1. I guffawed. You are the best.

    The Burrow is the best actualized aspect of the books, I say.

    1. Haha, why thank you! I aim to please!

      I was very impressed by The Burrow, it has to be said. And I looooove Molly!

  2. Oh, thank heavens. I liked this post. I was a bit worried I'd just have to stay away until you were done watching all the movies because YESTERDAY YOU TORE MY HEART OUT AND STOMPED ON IT. :(

    In other news, I really want Harris-Dumbledore to be my kind of surrogate great-uncle or something. When you get to Gambon-Dumbledore, don't worry about the semi-Irish accent too much. He loses that quite quickly.

    1. Ellie, I liked Prisoner of Azkaban well enough, but I am SO ANGRY at Goblet of Fire that I might have to go back to tearing these movies apart. I thought it was all going to be ok, but IT ISN'T.

      Having said that, Harris-Dumbledore is amazing. And much better than Gambon. Harris IS Dumbledore, I'm pretty sure. Like how Alan Rickman IS Snape. He's literally the one perfect thing in the films.

    2. Azkaban is awesomeness because LUPIN. I j'adore Thewlis SO HARD in that movie. Also the Dementors are exactly as scary as I wanted them to be, which is A LOT OF SCARY. Plus Gary Oldman, yay. You can't go wrong with Gary Oldman.

      My friend Erika was angry at GoF. I thought it was pretty good given the sudden leap in book length. I just like enjoying the films as separate entities, I guess. HP's so complicated, they're never going to hit everything on everyone's ticklist. Dolores Umbridge is so very awful in the next film though, you have to watch that one. THE PINK, LAURA. SO MUCH PINK. And the Harry-Voldemort fight in the Ministry looks so good. All the glass and the fireplaces, eek!

  3. I think in the book it was the ghost teacher of history of magic (Prof Binns?) who gave the talk about the chamber of secrets, in a very, "Some people believe... obviously this is all nonsense..." sort of way, but he was never cast in the films so McGonagall got given the exposition lesson instead. I remember when I saw the first film or two as a teenager my response was pretty similar to yours, mocking Daniel Radcliffe and the other children's acting. But now I have a nostalgic feeling towards the whole series, even with the bad bits. I love the overall feel of the first films; they captured the spirit of the books quite well, but the acting... The later films are a bit looser adaptations of the books, less word-for-word, but I think that makes them better as films, although I think sometimes they left some things unexplained assuming you'd already read the books and knew what was going on.

    1. I had a moment of not hating the films on Saturday, and now I'm back to kiiiind of hating them. I just can't deal with how wrong they arrrrrre. I get that things need to be trimmed down, but THIS MUCH? Really?! It makes me :( and also >:(

  4. HAHAHA this is the best! I pretty much did a spit take at this: "21:50- Dumbledore and McGonagall giving Lockhart the side-eye. Oh hell yes." I need to marathon the Harry Potter movies now!

    1. Hehehehe, McGonagall and (original) Dumbledore though! So perfect. I actually can't fault a lot of the adult actors, but I can't recommend marathoning the Harry Potter movies because NO. Hahahaha

  5. We should live watch these over the interwebs. Especially when you get near the end of the series cos I haven't seen those either. And we can make fun of the child actors cos...yeah...