Friday 6 June 2014

"'Bouncers don't have inflammation of the lungs.'"

Hey, kids! I know, I'm a day late (and a dollar short) and although I finished the book on SATURDAY (I know) I've managed to forget to write anything about it, for evening shifts at work have broken me a tiny bit. Still! I am here now and that is all that matters.

Let's begin. I'd like to refer you to a comment Megs made on last week's post:
I think that Lucy might be ACTUALLY mentally ill. That whole internal battle she was having with herself in her bedroom was so disturbing to watch, because she was spending a good deal of time justifying her actions to herself (I've never done anything TRULY horrible except for that one thing, and I totally had a reason to do that), and then she finished it all off by saying out loud to herself that Rob is mad and Rob is the problem, like a mantra.

And ALSO when she's trying to convince Sir Michael that Rob is crazy, doesn't she sound like she's describing herself with this: "People are insane for years and years before their insanity is found out. They know that they are mad, but they know how to keep their secret. Sometimes a paroxysm seizes them, and in an evil hour they betray themselves. They commit a crime, perhaps. The horrible temptation of opportunity assails them, the knife is in their hand, and the unconscious victim by their side."

OMG...what if Lucy's big secret is that she's clinically insane???

I will be so mad if this ends up being a Victorian madwoman tale. SO MAD.
Yes, I did just copy and paste the whole thing, because lazy, but LOOK AT IT ALL, IT IS ALL TRUE. Megs gets all the prizes, and also, I'm assuming, she is SO MAD right now.  As we should all be.
There's so much to be mad at, really. Firstly, obviously a woman who tries to take control of her own life (in bad ways, sure, but still) has to be insane because no sane woman would ever do bad things. Never ever ever. I'm not entirely convinced that Lucy was insane so much as she convinced herself that she would be so she was- there's definitely something about post-natal depression in there, but apart from that, not so crazy. Maybe.

That said, I did so enjoy MEB's use of caps: "'You have conquered- a MADWOMAN.'""'I know where you have brought me,' she said. 'This is a MADHOUSE.'" I like to think that Lucy just shouts these words (cause she cray cray, apparently) but I'm assuming it's more for shock value. Like, just in case you missed the part where Lucy's crazy, BITCH IS CRAZY.
Still. She's safely in the MADHOUSE, so what has become of all the rest of our beloved cast? Luke's death did not raise a tear to my eye (He DEFINITELY raped his wife a lot) but I enjoy the fact that his body was weak from all the boozing so it wasn't really the fire that killed him, so Lucy kind of isn't accountable for any deaths, because we can't actually have a woman murdering anyone, that would be ridiculous.

Speaking of which- GEORGE IS STILL ALIVE. How nice of him to let his best friend, the guy who looked after him while he was mourning for his not-so-dead wife, the man who is in love with him, 'hey dude, I'm still alive but I have to go back to Australia, k bye.' I'm tempted to say that George has self-esteem issues, so he thinks no one will miss him when he's gone, but mostly, I'm afraid, I think he might just be an asshole.
OF COURSE Robert welcomes him back with open arms instead of a closed fist (OMG that sounds SO dirty now I've typed it. I mean he doesn't punch him! Not anything else!) because he's a nice guy, and also because he's in love. Not with Clara, of course, don't be ridiculous, but his love for George burns ever brighter. I really want to believe that MEB was kind of aware of what she was doing with Robert and George- I mean, the novel proper ends not with Robert's wedding, but with George and Robert reuniting, hugging... other things... And I really feel like that means something. Or I might just really want them to be gay for each other.

All I have to say about the actual end is that OMG THEY SETTLE IN TEDDINGTON. That is SO near to where I live, guys, that it's ridiculous. It's a very nice place to have a fairy cottage, and aw, lovely. Poor old Lucy dies of what I can only assume is boredom, and all the good Victorian readers rejoice that she won't come and NOT murder them in their sleep. George OF COURSE lives with Clara and Robert (who, of course, got married), so one can only imagine how THAT living arrangement works, and suddenly we realise that George is actually the Marian of this tale, only 10,000x less awesome. Equally as single at the end though.
I miss you, Marian
Annnnd, that's about all I've got. To sum up- women who want things are crazy, George is an asshole and Robert is so so gay. As I said, I finished this on Saturday, and I've kiiind of already forgotten a lot of the stuff that happened. This isn't something that makes me go 'I must read it again!' but more 'Hmmm... it must not have been that good.' WHICH IS TRUE but it did keep me amused for a few weeks, so there's that.

Thank you for hosting, dear Alice, and until next time, THE END.


  1. The only thing that I really liked about this ending was George & Rob ending up together. Though I do feel bad for Clara, having to pretend to be married to Rob and call but I guess she loves her brother enough so that's nice of her.

    Megs wins the readalong by predicting this ending!

    1. That is so nice of Clara. Bless her for agreeing to be Robert's beard. I mean, I guess they had a tiny bit of sex because children, but it was probably just those two times. Oh, George.

      Megs DOES win. Nice work, Megs!

  2. Ahahahahaha, I am laughing so hard about your closed fist remark. Oh the mental images I am experiencing. Oh they hurt me with giggles.

    1. I typed it and then literally went OMG WHAT HAVE I JUST SAID! Because, COME ON! So so so wrong.

  3. Caaaaan we just take a moment to remember the whole 'attempted murder of not one, but two people, including burning down a building with other folks inside' thing? If Lucy isn't crazy, then that basically just makes her a stone-cold murderous bitch. She's either accountable for her own actions or she isn't, and either way she was going to end up in one of two places: jail or a 'madhouse'. I'm faiiiiiirly sure that jail would be far less accommodating and comfortable than the boring yet fairly benign Belgian institution she ended up living in.

    Also... closed fist. *snorts* Ten points to you, yer dirty wench. :P

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