A to Z Bookish Survey

Subtitle: That post other people have done that I'm copying because I'm too tired/lazy to write a review of anything. I've stolen this from both Sarah and Alley and you should probably read theirs too, because, I don't know, reasons.

HERE I AM DOING THIS:

Authors you've read the most books from: Have you ever been here before? Because it's obviously Stephen King. I mean, even in the past 2 and a half years I've read 39 of his books and I've read more than that and WOAH that is a lot of books.

Best sequel ever: I don't know, man, I don't read books that are in a series. Let's say... All the Harry Potter books EXCEPT the Chamber of Secrets, which is TECHnically the sequel... Dammit.

Currently reading: Oh God... *Deep breath* Middlemarch, The Lost Continent, Tell The Wolves I'm Home, The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon. Friday Reads on twitter is like a NIGHTMARE for me every week

Drink of choice when reading: I really don't drink or eat anything (or only rarely) when I'm reading because I'm not even in the room, anymore, so I don't have bodily appetites, yeah?

Ereader or physical book: I loves a good physical book, but I'm also very fond of my Kindle- I haven't read that many books on it because SO MANY UNREAD BOOKS, but I don't dislike the experience at all. And I haven't taken it on holiday yet, but when I do finally go away, I am going to love it so much.

Fictional character that you probably would have dated in High School: I didn't go to High School because we don't have those over here. But I can't think of any hot teenage characters (because I'm OLD) so let's pretend Eric Northman (HE'S A BOOK CHARACTER TOO) and I would have been schoolish contemporaries and THAT would have happened because yum.

Glad you gave this book a chance: Um um ummmm... Oooh, OK, Ready Player One because it was exactly the book I wanted to read even though I didn't even know that. ALSO The Sisters Brothers. It was awesome.

Hidden gem book: What is this, like books that are awesome but nobody knows about? Everyone knows about Rainbow Rowell at this point, yeah?

Important moment in your reading life: I suppose my first Stephen King book was probably quite an important moment but I can't even remember what it was (it might have been Carrie because I'm like that.) BUT ALSO I'm going to copy Alley because starting this blog was a totally important thing because it took my book thoughts out of my brain and translated them into words I could share with other people and that's just AWESOME.

Just finished: The Newlyweds by Nell Freudenberger. It was fine... But I kind of want to say the cover was better than the book (the cover is AWESOME)

Kind of books you won't read: I kind of want to say YA only I DO read it, I just rarely enjoy it. HAVING SAID THAT, I believe Tell The Wolves I'm Home is YA and I am enjoying it muchly so you can just ignore me.

Longest book you read: Is it Les Miserables? I'm going to say Les Miserables. It's actually technically the uncut version of The Stand, BUT 1400 Stephen King pages is not the same as 1200 Victor Hugo pages.

Major book hangover because of: I kind of had a continual book hangover while I was reading Harry Potter because I didn't want to read anything else alongside it.

GIF BREAK:

Applies to most of these. Also this isn't even a gif.

This is just getting gratuitous now.

Number of bookcases you own: I technically only own one, which is why my books live in weird places like 'the gap next to my bed' and also 'the bottom of my wardrobe'. 

One book you've read multiple times: To Kill A Mockingbird, and I will read it forever.

Preferred place to read: It's my bed. Always, always my bed.

Quote that inspires you: I actually have two quote notebooks (I filled one up. I am all about the quotes.)  so let's look in the one that I can reach without moving... "Well, I must endure the presence of two or three caterpillars if I wish to be acquainted with the butterflies." From The Little Prince (I didn't read far into my quote notebook... BUT this is pretty and also it's french and papillon is possibly my favourite word in french/any language. This is random information I'm giving you...)

Reading regret: I dunno. The fact that I can't do it for a living? That's not really a regret, is it..?

Series that you started and need to finish: Seriously, I don't read series! And I ALWAYS finish them. NEXT.

Three of your all-time favourite books: It by Stephen King, To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee and and *dies from the pressure of having to choose only one more* Let's say East of Eden by John Steinbeck? But SO MANY.

Unapologetic fangirl for: Stephen King (obvs), Nora Ephron, Caitlin Moran, Rainbow Rowell, Bill Bryson, John Steinbeck, WILKIE, Murakamiiiiiiiiii.

Very excited for this release: In general, I don't really know about any new releases, but I am excited for the new Donna Tartt (so excited that I can't even remember its name) AND Maddaddam by Margaret Atwood, which I've already reserved at the library even though it isn't even out yet. Oh ACTUALLY that's part of a series that I must finish. 

Worst bookish habit: Buying books when I definitely don't need any more books. It's an addiction, people.

X marks the spot! Start at the top left of your shelf and pick the 27th book: Why the 27th though? This one is stupid. Ok, *moves* The House of Mirth by Edith Wharton. I didn't do anything with it though...

Your last bookish purchase: I may or may not have bought three books on Saturday, ONE OF WHICH I already had out of the library and which I have now read and decided that I don't want to keep. This is not one of those stories with a happy ending (although I do now have another Richard Yates book which is cool because I like Revolutionary Road quite a lot).

Zzz snatcher- Which book kept you up way late?: SO MANY. But the most ironic was Insomnia by Stephen King, and possibly the best was 1Q84 by Murakamiiiiii, which I literally didn't know how to put down. 

I think we've all learnt a lot. My work here is done. 

It's my birthday! And I'll be narcissistic if I want to...

Hey guys! If you follow me on twitter or have generally read anything I've written in the past, ooh, I don't know, MONTH, you'll know that it's my birthday today! I am very very old. It's not even worth talking about, really. (OK, I'm 24 today. Aaaaand, now you want to punch me, don't you?)

Anyway. In honour of my birthday week (Oh hells yes I get a whole week) I'm trying to post everyday this week (by which I basically mean, writing 5 posts the weekend before and scheduling the crap out of those babies- I have other stuff to do, y'know?) so that I can give all of you a liiiittle treat while I, hopefully, get many treats, most of which are cake-related.

I'm already being incredibly narcissistic by assuming that 5 blog posts by me are EXACTLY what you want, so I'm sure you'll bear with me as I go through cultural references to my name. Oh yes, that's right- I've racked my brain to think of all the Lauras in books, films, tv and music, and I'm going to tell you how I feel about the fact that they share my name. I'm sure we're all going to enjoy this as much as I will!

Shuddup, Gosling, we're doing this.

Laura Chase in The Blind Assassin: Laura's kind of like the mysterious, dreamy younger sister to the main character, Iris, but she's also maybe the most interesting character, or at least the one you want to learn more about while you're reading. She also kiiiind of reminds me of Luna Lovegood, so... She can keep my name, yes.

Laura from High Fidelity: How you feel about Laura in High Fidelity (either the book or movie- they're pretty much the same apart from location) probably depends on whether you're a man or a woman- she's either the shrew who needs to tell her boyfriend what to do all the time, or a woman who wants to move on in life, and wants him to grow up and move on with her. I'm sympathetic to both views, but on the whole, I'm ok with this Laura.

Laura Brown from The Hours: This is the Laura I feel most connected to from anything- the kind of woman who would do almost everything for just another half an hour of reading time is a-ok with me. But really, she also has A LOT of the kind of thoughts that are kind of the thing I read books for- to feel like I'm not the only person who thinks things like that. Her name is just a happy coincidence, but I still can't help but love it.

Laura Fairlie from The Woman in White: Oh hey, remember when we (or, you know, some of us) read The Woman in White and Laura was the 'love interest' character and everyone said she sucked and it made me sad because sentences like 'Laura is so lame and boring' make me unhappy for some reason? Yeah, that was horrible. This chick needs to get a new name, like, yesterday.

Laura Jesson in Brief Encounter: I've only seen Brief Encounter once, and it was literally about a month before I started blogging, which makes me kind of sad because OH! How I needed to talk about it at the time. Now I can't remember it that well (I definitely need to watch it again) but I do know that I liked Laura, and just wanted her to be happy, dammit!

Laura Palmer from Twin Peaks: It's a little bit creepy hearing people say (a LOT) 'who killed Laura?' 'Why would they do this to Laura?!' 'It's Laura! She's dead!' and so on. Even though you basically don't see Laura Palmer alive onscreen, her presence is everywhere in the programme, and on the whole... I can't get too upset about her having the same name as me. She seems like she was pretty messed up, but also for good reasons, and oh my GOSH am I going to go on about Twin Peaks again? Ok, I'm stopping now.

Laura by Bat For Lashes: I'm pretty sure I've posted a video of this song before, but if not... THIS SONG IS AMAZING. And not just because it's called Laura, although, let's face it, that doesn't hurt. But seriously... So. Good.

Tell Laura I Love Her by Ricky Valance: My mum used to sing this to me when I was little, and I hated it, for some reason. I still don't think it's an amazing song, but I'm open to the sentiment now! Damn, kids are crazy...

These are basically all the Lauras I can think of, which is weird because it's such a popular name for people my age (there were even two Laura Jones's in my year at school. TWO. That's ridiculous.) but I guess not so much for fictional characters or people who are going to be famous and stuff- of real people, I can only think of Reese Witherspoon, whose actual first name is Laura, Laura Linney, and Laura Ingalls Wilder (and I haven't even read any Little House books) so... I'm pretty sure that all Lauras need to step it up, basically. Yes.

Now...

The Moonstone, Part 4: "I consider you to be a person whose head is full of maggots."

Warning: I haven't warned you of this before, but this time it's really really important because I'm about to reveal the person who stole the moonstone. So if you don't know, RUN AND SAVE YOURSELVES NOW!

Because, of course, OBVIOUSLY it wasn't Ezra Jennings. Who even suspected him? I knew he'd turn out to be a good guy in the end! Ahem. But I'll come back to ALL that later, because of course, OF COURSE it was Godfrey!

I never liked that guy. Although, I did sort of enjoy that it was a crime of opportunity rather than of real maliciousness against his own cousin, and also that he got all smothered for it, because, you know, it's Godfrey. Oh, how Clack must have mourned. My main thought on the whole mess? Don't let the poor relations be trustees to the rich people! How was that ever going to work, especially when said poor people kept a woman in his villa? How?!

Anyway, that was all later. May we please speak about Ezra Jennings, he of the amazing 'I must make my patients drunk and give them opium and stuff' method of being a doctor. Way to go Ezra! Did we all see Wilkie's pains reflected in Ezra's, and Wilkie's massive opium addiction doing the same? Good good. Also, I have to assume that Ezra's piebaldness has some kind of relation to Wilkie's GIANT forehead, because no amount of google searching has meant I can figure out what that is. But let's just pretend it's the same thing, even if it isn't, ok?

Anyway, I was surprised as anyone that Ezra wasn't evil, and apparently Betteredge (who, by the way, was supremely awesome in this last part, I have to say) still believes that he is "Speaking as a man, I consider you to be a person whose head is full of maggots."

GREATEST INSULT EVER! Just, in my opinion. (Note: I just realised this was my title quote. But it bears repeating!) Ok, so the opium thing was clearly a work of genius (although, baad Dr Candy. Sorry, Mr Candy. Personally I blame him for all of this. The whole thing. He was probably just faking a brain disease to get out of taking the blame, is what I think) and I'm SO sad that Ezra died! He was totally my star of this last section, so YAY EZRA (at last!) But bad Godfrey. Bad bad bad.

But hey, at least Rachel and Franklin got it on:

"Sir and madam, look back at the time when you were passionately attached to each other- and you will know what happened, after Ezra Jennings had shut the door of the sitting room, as well as I know it myself."

And if you'll just indulge me for a tiny bit longer, I want to talk about the ending (which, by the way, I nearly missed because I thought Betteredge and Robinson Crusoe deserved to end it, really) which slightly confused me. Because, on the one hand, it was EXACTLY what I wanted to happen (the moonstone being returned to its home and all) but then, also, why exactly did the Indians who brought it back get punished? And if it was, as I believe it was, a caste thing, is that like Wilkie saying that the Indians are stupid for not rewarding good actions and being overly obsessed with caste, which is actually pretty rich coming from a Victorian gentleman? I JUST DON'T KNOW. Help me out, everyone?

And so it endeth! I am sad and yet happy, all at once. Damn Wilkie, you're just the greatest! Good readalong everybody! *claps and imagines everyone else doing the same*. I just don't know what I'm going to do in September, but I know that in October we'll all be reading The Grapes of Wrath along with me? Isn't that right? Get your sad faced gifs ready, I'll be waiting!

The Moonstone Part 3

OH MY GOD, the end of this section!! Rachel SAW Franklin doing it, but he has no memory of it?! I'm thinking secret twins or doppelgangers or intense plastic surgery... You know, all the normal things. And also, I've been doing this a lot, of course:

Just to back up a teeny bit though, I've come to the reluctant conclusion that Rosanna might ACTUALLY be dead, and, well, I'm pretty sad about it, actually. It seems to me that Rosanna is The Moonstone's Anne Catherick (or Anne is The Woman in White's Rosanna... Which was published first again?) in that their deaths came with little fanfare and no one was that bothered about them. Still, Rosanna had Betteredge to cry for her, and Anne had her companion lady, so... There's that at least. But also I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S ACTUALLY DEAD! What the hell, Wilkie? I did so love her little unrequited love thing for Franklin though, and also the fact that Penelope was right about this as she has seemed to be about everything. Could PENELOPE be the secret mastermind behind everything? I think yes.

And now to go back even further, how awesome was the rest of Clack's section? Last week, Alice and I decided that Clack kissing Godfrey's hand was her first and only sexual experience, and I think in this part she had her second:

"I have an indistinct remembrance that he was very affectionate. I don't think he put his arm around my waist to support me- but I am not sure. I was quite helpless, and his ways with ladies were very endearing."

I mean, OBViously Clack is desperately in love with him, but did anyone else pick up on the bit where she said that she forgives him and still loves him or whatever it was? Is he dead, or does he have a secret Franklin mask, and so took the moonstone? (I don't really think he took it. BUT I JUST DON'T KNOW!)

I think Clack's fall from grace was perfect though, because as it turns out, telling your patroness that you tried to stress her mother out just before she died? Probably not the best idea. Sad as I am to see her go, she did leave us with some more wonderful wonderful things to remember her by, so we all know that she's very very ill-used and underappreciated. And also a terrible person: "In those words the invitation was given, and the glorious prospect of interference was opened before me."

I don't really have much to say about the lawyer section, other than that I like him because he dislikes Godfrey (and I feel exactly the same way about Mr Murthwaite now) but also, how lowwww is Godfrey?! 'Oh please marry me dear Rachel because I need all your money' but hey, nice work Lady V in making sure no evil man could take all her money. I think that's what happened, right? Oh yeah, and there was also the thing with the Indians, which excites me not all that much because they clearly didn't take it, and clearly still want it, and frankly I think they should have it because it really belongs to them, so... Yeah.

But anyway. What do we think about Franklin?! If he did it then he's clearly hiding it, even from himself, and definitely from the reader. I enjoy the fact that Betteredge got to be a detective again, and frankly, if he's the one to solve the whole thing, I'd be really happy. Is Rachel maybe lying about seeing Franklin because she actually took it? I don't think she is, because all her actions suggest that that's what she really believes. So maybe she was just dreaming? I JUST DON'T KNOW. I'm like this:

And also, I am DYING to find out. I'm so happy that this week's is the last section (except, only one more readalong week, SADFACE) because I need to know or I am going to EXPLODE. Not even an exaggeration.

The Moonstone, Part 2: Satan among the Sofa Cushions

Oh, Miss Clack. What a gem (and by gem, I obviously mean twat). I found her so ridiculously hilarious that I laughed so much I gave myself a coughing fit- and a really odd and random coughing fit because I don't even have a cold or anything. By jove, Wilkie, I can't believe you've written a character maybe even funnier than Mr Fairlie (maybe. He was pretty hilarious.) But oh, miss Clack and her tracts... I'm fairly convinced they're what did Lady V in (LADY V! Betteredge must be so so sad...) but I wouldn't have been without them- Satan among the Sofa cushions is my personal favourite, but of course we shouldn't forget about Satan under the Tea Table, or Satan behind the Looking Glass...

ANYWAY, going backwards slightly, can we please talk about the fact that I'm not entirely sure that Rosanna is dead? I mean, she might be, but also there's absolutely no evidence that she actually is, so I'm very very suspicious about that whole thing. Also I'm now suspicious of Ezra Jennings, Dr Candy's assistant:

"His assistant- a certain Mr Ezra Jennings- was at our disposal, to be sure. But nobody knew much about him in our parts. He had been engaged by Mr Candy under rather peculiar circumstances; and, right or wrong, we none of us liked him or trusted him."

You see?! I'm sure he'll never be mentioned again, now, but still, I remain suspicious of him. AND EVERYONE.

And then also still in Betteredge's section, I felt totally vindicated cause in the comments of my post last week we were all having a discussion that Rachel had sold the moonstone so she could fund an abortion of... I'm gonna say Franklin's baby, and while that was not exactly proven to be the case (although it wasn't UNproven, so let's keep that in mind) Cuff did say this:

"Sometimes the money is wanted for purposes which I don't suspect in this case, and which I would shock you by mentioning." 

Which I totally read as funding really really illegal abortions, but which now that I think of it could basically be anything scandalous, like hiring a hitman or something. OMG did Rachel hire a hitman to take out her mum?! (No. In fact, I don't even believe that Rachel has it. No matter what Clack thinks.)

So, Betteredge's section was all fine and good, and ended with a fun little like 'I might not be a reliable narrator, so watch out!' thing, and since the next part was narrated by a woman, I was like 'ooh, maybe she's our Marian!' She is so not our Marian. Not in the slightest, but fortunately she is a lot more hilarious than her, only, you know, unintentionally. Also, she has a total ladyboner for Godfrey:
"It is in the completeness of his daily life that the true Christian appears. This dear man was very complete." Or:

Only, of course, shiiiit, Rachel and Godfrey just GOT ENGAGED FOR NO REASON, and I feel like there could be some bitter, very non-Christian jealousy emanating from Clack for the rest of the time she's with us. Or at least that she'll get even more hilarious, which I can deal with.

Speaking of Rachel, WHAT IS UP WITH HER?! She seems to basically have manic depression, and she was all like 'ooh, Godfrey got tied up, how exciting!' and then when she found out that it was over the moonstone, she was like 'oh the humanity, I must stop all this before anyone else gets hurt!' and I'm just like DUDE, what did you think it was going to be about? The trousers at that weird group Clack and Godfrey both belong to?! OBVIOUSLY HE WAS ALL BLINDFOLDED OVER THAT EXTREMELY PRECIOUS STONE THAT YOU FUCKING LOST! (Too many capitals? Maybe.) I sense her acceptance of his engagement is all about residual guilt over his ordeal. Just saying. NOT that I think she's got the moonstone, and in fact this is about as far as I've gotten trying to figure out what's actually going on:
Cuff thinks Rachel has sold the stone
Clack thinks Rachel has it cause she hates her
Rachel thinks Franklin has it for some reason
and the lawyer (who I think gets his own narrative later which is good cause he seems fun) thinks that Godfrey is most likely to have it.

So basically I have no idea what's going on, but does it really matter when there's CLACK?! I don't even care about the mystery anymore, I just want Clack to keep saying things and being a terrible person, and Christian ('I realised that she hadn't even given me my inheritance', 'I'm only doing this because Franklin Blake is paying me'- naughty materialistic lady!) And also I like not knowing things, because at the end of it all, I want to be like this:

I'm totally using this again. Just to warn you.

Addition: Did anyone else think that the girl who lived in the cottage by the sea was totally in love with Rosanna? Like, she was all 'we were going to go away together and live as sisters' but when they got there they would clearly be doing the lady love? Because... I totally thought that.

The Moonstone, Part One: "I had stood there listening to them, all in a tremble; not knowing whom to suspect or what to think next."

You and me both, Betteredge, you and me both. Seriously, though, how great is this book?! In a typical fashion, I was super-excited about reading it for the entire week (or, probably, for longer than that actually) and then... Forgot to actually read it. So i just finished it this morning, and my thoughts aren't really gathered in any coherent way, so excuse me if I just do the word equivalent of flapping my arms around excitedly.

SO! So many suspicions I have, that even at this early point I think I've accused everyone in the entire book of stealing the moonstone (except Sergeant Cuff, who, by the way is awesome. Seriously awesome) EVEN Betteredge who, you know, says he slept through the whole night, but he would say that, wouldn't he? I mean, obviously Rosanna is waaay more likely to have done it, but that's the entire problem with that theory- like we're going to know about it this early on! And then, obviously, Rachel seems very very veeeery suspicious, but I believe that she smeared the paint, but did so on a... nocturnal journey to one of her cousins (her cousins. Ew.) SO basically I have no idea with that, so let's just leave it alone for now. I say this:

(Seriously, I have so many Skarsgard gifs. So this is clearly going to be enjoyable for everyone!)

OK! So even though I suspect everyone, I also kiiind of love everyone too! Penelope is a ridiculous gossip, Franklin seems to know what he's all about, and the French/German/Italian/English thing? Amazing. Clearly he's also completely dreamy because Rosanna and Rachel both want a piece of that action, even though Betteredge reckon's Godfrey's a better choice (for Rachel anyway). I'm sorry, but Godfrey is dreadfully dreary (possibly unfair to say, since he hasn't really had as much narrative time as Franklin, but still) and, you know, doesn't even have a beard! Does anyone else think that Franklin's beard maaaybe bodes ill for his character though, since beards are usually super untrustworthy, albeit sexy? THIS CONCERNS ME!

Since we are all, obviously, looking for the next Marian, I kind of want to tentatively suggest Rachel, except that she got super moody and door slammy once her precious diamond went missing (toootally suspicious), but then also there's this:

"She was unlike most girls her age, in this- that she had ideas of her own, and was stiff necked enough to set the fashions themselves at defiance, if the fashions didn't suit her views."

You know? So I think we need more Rachel, to figure out if she really is fab, or if, in fact, she sold the diamond to fund a super super illegal abortion of Franklin's baby... (I don't know why this has become a soap all of a sudden, but hey, let's go with it!)

There are clearly so many awesome things I'm forgetting because I didn't leave myself enough time to process things, so I'm going to have to bullet point my way to the end- here goes:

• "How it was I don't understand, but we always seemed to be getting, with the best of motives, in one another's way. When I wanted to go upstairs, there was my wife coming down; or when my wife wanted to go down, there was I coming up. That is married life, according to my experience of it"- This is what will happen when you use marriage as a money saving venture! And, if all else fails, go and find another woman, and live with her some of the time, right Wilkie..?
• I did a little cheer at Betteredge's racial tolerance- he's probably more forward thinking than some people who live in England today, so... Way to be awesome, Wilkie "I am generally all for amusement, and the last man in the world to distrust another person because he happens to be a few shades darker than myself."
• Then there was this, which is basically the truest true thing that's ever been said: "Mr Franklin noticed me, contending with a perturbed stomach or mind- which you please; they mean the same thing." Yes? Yes. YESSSSSSSSSSS!
• And finally, this is kind of unrelated to the story, but I finally read the little author profile in my edition and nearly laughed myself to DEATH- apparently Wilkie took a lot of opium, and "he began to suffer from paranoia and hallucinations, including the presence of a 'subjective doppelganger' he named Ghost Wilkie"- GUYS! He named his subjective doppelganger! Just like a normal person would do! Ahem... Damn, I love this dude!

So, that's all I have for you! Basically I love everyone, and will do until they prove themselves to be unworthy, or horribly boring. According also to my author profile, Opium plays a prominent part in The Moonstone, so I'm thinking either the police dude is going to use it to figure things out (a la that guy Johnny Depp played in From Hell) OR maybe Rachel has a nasty heroin habit and that's why she had to sell the diamond... These teens and their drugs...

Devouring Books: Armadale by Wilkie Collins

There are some books that you really really wish you'd read as part of a readalong with your blog friends because you KNOW there would have been so much drama to discuss. I don't know if Armadale feels that way to me because of the EPIC Woman in White readalong that went down in April, or just that Wilkie Collins is the kind of writer who requires a lot of attention, love and OMG you guys's. Or maybe it's just that a nearly 700 page book requires more than one blog post to be fully explored. Either way, this is going to be TOUGH to write.

But I shall persevere, for you guys, and I'll even avoid spoilers because it just wouldn't be fair to ruin Wilkie for anyone ever. That's just not cool.

So, Armadale begins with a SHOCKING confession, and from that moment just keeps on being mysterious and intriguing (and other words that sort of mean that same thing) and filled with AWESOME. The Armadale of the title is the name of not one, not two, but FOUR characters (only two of whom are really in the book) and although there are two Allan Armadales, the basis for great mystery in itself, only one of them goes by that name, and the other calls himself Ozias Midwinter (I know. I KNOW!) and they are a little team made in heaven. Because, although they're meant to be apart because of CIRCUMSTANCES that happened with their fathers (the other Armadales) these guys become friends and have a real bromance, that is, of course, upset by a woman.

And what a woman! Lydia Gwilt is described on the back of my copy as a 'flame-haired temptress' and, let's face it, I know we're all thinking of Red right now, but think that way no longer, for Lydia is also PURE EVIL. Well, she's addicted to her 'drops' (that's laudanum, to you and me) and she's probably done some things in her past that she's not too proud of, by which I of course mean murder (I'm not sure if that's a spoiler or not, since it's hinted at from early on, but, you know, too late now!). She's also stony broke, and her evil plan transpires to be one where she marries Armadale for his money, kills him, and then lives on £1200 a year. It's a pretty nifty plan to be honest, and once you know Armadale, it's not really one that you hate...

Because, Armadale, bless him, is kind of a moron. And by kind of a moron, I mean he's a posh idiot, in the vein of Hugh Laurie's character in Blackadder III, or basically anything other than House. It makes Lydia such a gratifying character, because until she comes along, everyone's like 'oh Allan, you're such a good guy', or 'he's soooo dreamy, and rich too!' but then she crops up and says things like "He's a rattle-pated young fool- one of those noisy, rosy, light-haired, good-tempered men, whom I particularly detest." and "to say that he was like a child is a libel on all children who are not born idiots". And I was just like, YOU CAN'T SAY THAT, IT'S THE VICTORIAN TIMES! And also, Miss Gwilt, I love you...

And, of course, Wilkie breaks all kinds of Victorian novel-y rules and preconceptions. There are letters, and diaries and accounts, and it begins with people who basically have nothing else to do with the story... Above all though, my favourite convention that he breaks is that of having some sympathy with the villain. And not just sympathy- whilst the first half of Armadale is pretty straightforward, two guys being friends, having freaky dreams (I wouldn't worry so much about the dream premonitions...) and meeting pretty ladies, the second half is devoted, almost entirely, to the inner workings of Miss Gwilt's mind. I'm not sure I've seen this before in a novel from the 1800s (not that I've read all that many, it's not really my time...) and I've definitely never seen a villain treated so sympathetically. I'm not sure if it's just because she's a woman villain, and hence must have some 'purity' or whatever in her, or because he really really dislikes Armadale (he does, it's fairly obvious), but Miss Gwilt? She's got layers.

Seriously, it's so interesting because, just at the point where everyone's going 'she's so evil, and I'll bet she's got a sordid past', Wilkie switches the narrative to her viewpoint, where we discover that she is basically up to no good, BUT that she's not totally beyond redemption. She is capable of love (and she didn't even think she was), and, most importantly, she's totally three dimensional, totally autonomous, and totally more interesting than the girl Armadale fancies. Remind you of anyone else? Clearly I sort of love Lydia, but I sort of hate her too, and I think that's entirely the point of her character. But really, listen to this:

"Why are we not perfectly reasonable in all that we do? Why am I not always on my guard and never inconsistent with myself, like a wicked character in a novel? Why? Why? Why?"

My answer is, of course, that Wilkie is a great writer, because LAYERS! That's what we want our villains to have! And that's why Wilkie is the best, The End.

P.S. There's a bit towards the end of the book in a mental hospital (OF COURSE) that brought up something very not related to the plot, but very relevant to an ongoing feud I have with Alice about the depressingness of Norwegian Wood (Hi Alice! Hope you read this or this could be really pointless!). And in said mental hospital, the doctor says that he only allows books that he's pre-screened, because "There may be plenty that is painful in life- but, for that very reason, we don't want it in books", which seems to me to be Alice's viewpoint in a sentence, whereas I'm more like the fictional pain helps us to get through real pain, either past or present. Who is right? Alice and the doctor, or me (and, I guess, Murakami?). Just a thought, and if you actually read this, good for you! You get 10 points!

The Woman in White: That End Bit

Is it just me, or was that whole end thing... Unexpected? And by unexpected, I obviously mean completely MENTAL and FAR-FETCHED and yet still kind of super duper awesome! Even though this last bit of the book was the shortest of all, I embarrassingly made the most notes for it, which I can only attribute to reading the whole 100 or so pages in one position for a straight 2 hours or whatever, with my notebook right there. Had to be done.

ANYWAY, onto stuff that the people actually care about! But where to even begin?! Oh, wait I know: ANNE WAS MR FAIRLIE'S CHILD!!! Of course she was. I was so happy to be vindicated on that one point though that I actually slapped my own thigh and ended up really hurting myself. But it was a complete "I KNEW it!" moment. While we're on the subject of Anne, I have to add that her mother was really a stone cold bitch, and is probably now my least favourite of all the unsavoury characters of the book- her only concern is about her reputation, which she's determined to preserve without actually doing any of the things that would earn her a good reputation. UGH I really hated her! But anyway, I was glad there was a little bit of an ending to poor Anne's story:

"So the ghostly figure [HAH, GHOSTLY!] which has haunted these pages as it haunted my life, goes down into the impenetrable Gloom. Like a shadow she first came to me, in the loneliness of the night. Like a shadow she passes away, in the loneliness of the dead."

Cheery stuff!

Now I'm going to have a big moan about Walter, so brace yourself if you're still hot for him and his newfound balls. Because oh my GOD, the annoyance over how he treats Laura! And it was especially annoying because Marian was totally complicit in his treating Laura as a child, which made me a bit irritated by Marian of all people too! So here's one bit:

"The necessity of sparing Laura any sudden knowledge of the truth was the first consideration which the latter suggested to me. I wrote at once to Marian... warning her not to let any such thing as a newspaper fall in Laura's way while I was absent."

WHY THE HELL NOT?! Because Walter's presence is going to be better than Marian's in calming her down, Marian being her total rock and comforter and all? Or because she's going to be really upset that her abusive husband that she hated is dead? POOR LAURA CAN'T COPE WITH ANYTHING! And then there was also this:

"When Laura has left us; and when we could speak to one another without restraint, I tried to give some expression to the gratitude and the admiration which filled my heart [to Marian]"

"Oh Marian, thanks for looking after the child for ME, who otherwise you would have no interest in taking care of. Also, let's keep quiet about the death of her husband, even though she obviously finds out about it somehow because I marry her in a few pages, without explaining how that's possible since she doesn't have her identity back yet." Yeah, that annoyed me too. WHY ARE YOU SO ANNOYING, WALTER?!

Anyway, let's just ignore Walter for a sec (even though he's there all the fucking time) and get to the real excitement of this whole end thing which was OMG PESCA'S INVOLVED WITH SOME DODGY POLITICAL THING AND FOSCO'S A SPY! I mean, seriously, did anyone see this coming?! Because when Walter took Pesca to the opera, I was like "Why are you such a moron, Walter? Why would Pesca know Fosco just because they're both Italian? Stupid racist." and then, lo and behold, they did! I mean, I was totally like OMFG THIS IS AMAZING, but at the same time, couldn't Collins have thought of some other way to get the story out of Fosco without that whole (amazing) thing?! Because it definitely wasn't Walter's main concern, and it was just a bit like WOAH what's going on, and, well, DRAMA!

So anyway, then Fosco's narrative was pretty awesome and made me actually sort of love him. Hear me out: He loves Marian! Marian is his one weakness in life! (I've just remembered another annoying thing- where Walter wouldn't let Marian go to the final showdown with Fosco with him. ARGH, so annoying!) He has really amazing taste in women! Anyone who's in love with Marian is a friend of mine, you know? And even though he sort of killed Anne (except that he didn't- but he would have if he had had to) and he put Laura in the asylum (and was all like 'oh, but I was only going to take her identity and not her life!' apparently not realising that for a rich English lady, her identity is her life) I was still a bit like 'oh, ok... I'll let you off!' I was a bit disappointed by the realisation that he didn't have any special power over his wife or anything, and that she was just a bit of a nincompoop for completely sacrificing herself to him, but oh well. So, yeah, I ended up pretty much liking him and his massive ego, so I was actually a little bit upset by reports of his death.

And then they killed off Mr Fairlie too! Like, oh here you go, boring Laura and Walter, there are no interesting characters around anymore to interfere with your boring life together. Yawn. Although, obviously, happy ending and all, yay. I guess. Anyway, I was fairly happy that all the loose ends were tied up, and I can really only think of a couple of questions I still have-
1. Did Mrs Fairlie suspect that Anne was her husband's child, or was she just like 'ooh, what a coincidence!' I kind of hope the former, and that she was so lovely that she just had to take her under her wing.
2. Didn't Laura care that her half sister was dead? Or was that information just kept from her too, because she's too delicate? And how did she even have a child, if she's supposedly so weak?!

Here endeth my thoughts about The Woman in White. *Applauds* Good readalong people, good readalong!

The Woman in White- Part Three

Oh my God. Just, that. I can't even get my head around everything that happened in this part of the book, and I've had a few days to absorb all the shocks! I just... The Secrets! The Deaths! The Rebirths! The Fire! How this is not being exploited for some awful Hollywood blockbuster right now is just beyond my comprehension, but then, maybe the people who write those kinds of movies don't read these kinds of books? Just a thought...

SO! I think I'm just going to have to go from the beginning and just get stuck into it all really! (Can you tell I'm excited? That's what the exclamation marks mean, excited.) So firstly, OMG, Marian got all ill after her rooftop ninja antics (because, after all, she's still just a woman and obviously can't deal with being out in the night air, although also, she just heard some dudes plotting to kill her sister) and then Fosco found her diary and wrote a really creepy message in it. He's so... well, he makes me feel icky, anyway. Because he's all like 'oh Marian, you are so wonderous and a worthy opponent, but if I had to, I'd eat your young.' Just very very creepy. And then, straight after that, even though it was actually too much magnificence to bear, was Mr Fairlie's narrative.

I think we can all agree that was literally the greatest part of the book, right? Of ANY book, maybe? He's just so... so hard done by, and yet has the biggest superiority complex I've ever seen! 'Why do these people bother me with their problems? Why did the poor person tell me that she stayed at a pub when it literally has nothing to do with me/what I want to hear?" I mean, I hate it when people include unnecessary information in their stories too, but come on! The poor girl's just trying to tell how she got there! He's just far too excellent, far too easy for the Count to manipulate, and basically just the best minor character that's ever been in anything ever.

But anyway. In spite of his magnificence, he's maybe not that vital to the story so I should probably move on, yes? I felt really sorry for Laura getting all duped into going to London- I'm actually a teeny bit ashamed to admit that I kind of didn't see that deception coming! I honestly believed that Marian was in London too, at least, and that they'd use her to keep Laura there or something. But nope, far more twisted-ly, she'd been moved to a disused part of the house and not even the housekeeper knew she was there! That's pretty messed up, Percy. I would like to say that I didn't for one moment believe that Laura was dead though, apart from, stupidly, a bit into the Third Epoch when I was like 'oh shit, but what if Anne really is just pretending to be Laura?!' a thing which I'm mostly over now, but I'm still looking at Laura sideways a little bit, just like 'hmmm... hmmm.'

And may I add, poor Anne! I'm dying to know whether the switch was intentional, and whether Fosco was being sortofkindof kind in just putting Laura in the nuthouse rather than killing her, or if he genuinely believed that she was the one he was killing (or... did he kill her? I guess it was Anne's weak heart, but if she was horrified by Fosco in some way, then I guess that basically means he killed her.) All of that is basically why I'm going to read the rest of the book probably by the end of the day, because I just NEED to know now! Seriously!

And then there was blah blah blah, Walter the man is protecting the two delicate ladies, Laura is being treated like an absolute child ("You want to help? That's so cute! I know, why don't I pretend to sell some of your drawings and actually give you the money I earn because obviously you're completely useless!" Ugh. It bugged me, I'm not going to lie. And how creepy is this, from Walter: "In the right of her calamity, in the right of her friendlessness, she was mine at last!" Nice. Very nice.) And what also bugged me is that Walter gets to go off and do all his investigative work in Hampshire, when clearly Marian is the man for the job! But anyway, yes, Victorian times, and it's easier for Walter to get information and Marian would be an unescorted woman and blah blah blah. So. Mrs Catherick's a bit of a weird one, isn't she? "Oh, my daughter's dead? I'll just change my gloves, no worries. I never liked her anyway." And, and, Anne isn't Percy's daughter, which is good to know, and do we now think she is Mr Fairlie's, i.e. Laura's half sister? I'm undecided, but we do know that Laura looks like her father, and that Anne is basically not Mr Catherick's daughter, so, I don't know. Maybe, although at this point I hardly even care because there's not going to be some wonderful reunion at the end, so *sulk*.

And, (nearly) finally, there was The Secret. Now, this may have just been me, but was this a bit of an anti-climax? I mean, I was reading this bit when I was really tired and had spent the morning at the hospital so I was a little bit like 'blaefrgh' (I actually missed the bit where there was a fire, and had to go back some pages. 'What? There's a body? Why is there a body and whose is it?' were literally my thoughts) but the secret is that he's not really a baronet? I can see why that would be a reason to kill Laura if he thought she knew, but at the same time, I really wanted Mr Catherick's body to be in his lake! I guess we'll find out more about this in the last bit, but do we think that Percy is maybe a 'foreigner' like Fosco, and that's why they're such good friends/dastardly villains? And if so, a tiny bit xenophobic Wilkie? Really?

Since I'm not as good a person as Walter, I really can't feel sad that Percy's dead, mainly because he was a giant asshole. But here's what I'm thinking. Now that Percy's dead, are we to assume that Fosco has really been the majorest major villain all along, in spite of the fact that he's so damn charming and nice to the animals? Was the fire in the church set by Percy who accidently locked himself in, or did Fosco not want him to get out for some other reason? I don't really know why I want Fosco to be behind everything, but I sort of really do! And in case I wasn't sure how to feel about him, my rule-of-Marian was there to set me straight:

"'Walter!' she said, 'if ever those two men are at your mercy and you are obliged to save one of them- don't let it be the Count.'"

Something tells me Marian can think of another word that she'd like to call him, but she's too much of a lady to do so...

The Woman in White: Part Two

Woooooah, revelations abound in that last chapter there, amiright?! I was just reading it with my mouth hanging metaphorically open, mentally cheering on Marian, and not quite believing what was going on. I mean... I knew there was totally something shady about Fosco, BUT encouraging Laura's murder?! Really?! REALLY?!

But that was the end of the section. Sooooo much more to talk about than that. Glossing over whatshisface's narrative (Gilmore? The lawyer guy?) because it was boring and basically just moved the plot forward a bit and blah blah blah, let's just get to Marian! And get to her we did- and if Marian could just narrate the whole of the rest of the book, that would be great, kay? Kay.

So. Let's talk about Fosco because he's a very very interesting (and by that I mean potentially evil) dude. And I really didn't know what to think of him at first- I was like, well Marian seems to like him well enough, and he's so good to the animals, and YET he's this crazy man who as the ability to turn women basically into robots. So I was a bit iffy whenever Marian was like 'oh yeah, he's quite nice' because, you know, subjugation of women and stuff, so when her opinion changed of him when he basically argued that you should totally be a criminal as long as you can get away with it (BAD!) I was relieved because, well, I can't have a dissenting opinion from Marian!

Except for this one. Because it pisses me off when she's all like 'oh, if only I was a man, I would do this' because I'm all like 'Just do it Marian!' since, you know, she can do all these things, but doesn't because it would be unladylike. That is, with the exception of her dazzling feats of climbing over rooftops which I fully approve of (seriously, that last chapter? I want to marry it and have its babies because it was so AWESOME.) And also the thing where Fosco's like 'oh, she is as smart and cunning as a man', and I'm like THOSE ARE NOT NECESSARILY MASCULINE TRAITS, STOP BEING SO DAMN SEXIST, and then I remember it's a Victorian novel, and, well, Marian's a fairly awesome female character considering that, so I should probably just shhh (especially because I'm a woman. HA).

Anyway, so Marian is still awesome, and if you want to consider just how awesome, consider this:

"'Who cares for his causes of complaint? Are you to break your heart to set his mind at ease? No man under heaven deserves these sacrifices from us women. Men! They are the enemies of our innocence and our peace- they drag us away from our parents' love and our sisters' friendship- they take us body and soul to themselves, and fasten our helpless lives to theirs as they chain up a dog to his kennel. And what does the best of them give us in return?'"

Presumably the answer to that is, you know, babies and shit, but oh Marian, you're right- marriage shouldn't be a woman's only option! It was poor old Laura's only option (at least in her brain) and oh boy is she regretting it now, even if she does at least have Marian there to help her out. Laura was a lot more interesting in this part, I thought, even though she's still pretty weedy compared to Marian. The thing is, though, she's another one of those people that Marian likes, and so I basically have to pretty much like her too- that's how this thing works!

Apart from the end of the section, probably my favourite bit was the bit described by Laura with the still mysterious Woman in White, Anne thingummy. Because, ooooh the mystery, and the thing she knows about Percy (I don't think he deserves to be called Sir Percival, so I refuse to address him like that) that he doesn't want anyone to know, and they've mentioned the creepy lake so much that I have to wonder if there's a body in it, which is soon to be joined by Laura's and OH MY GOD THE HORROR! Or maybe it's a whole other secret entirely, about his secret wife locked in the attic or something, but I really really really want to know! Damn it being all suspenseful and stuff! Oh yeah, and Anne managed to keep up her reputation of being extremely creepy and ghostlike, since she once again tricked me into believing that she was, in fact, a ghost. I'm fairly sure she's still alive, but really, who can tell?!

There were probably more things to say about that last bit, but they were all blown out of my head with Marian being like Spiderman or something, and with the plotting/encouragement of Laura's murder, which, actually, I can still hardly believe! I'm really really excited to read the next bit, and to NOT leave it until Sunday night when there are like a million pages to read. Or, at least, I'll try not to...

The Woman in White: Part One

This post shall henceforth also be known as 'The Birthday Post' because, yes, you guessed it, today's my birthday! This has almost nothing to do with The Woman in White, other than the fact that I had to schedule reading it and writing this around it, but still, I thought it was worth mentioning! So, yeah, Happy Birthday to meeeeeeee *puts on party hat* *opens presents* *smiles a lot*.

ANYWAY. Now that the festivities are done with, let's get to the serious stuff. The Woman in White- she is very mysterious, and also possibly crazy- I mean, just because she claims that she isn't, doesn't mean that she isn't, cause that's what a crazy person would say anyway! Her introduction did make me jump a tiny bit though, and I wasn't entirely sure that she wasn't a ghost, to be honest, just one of those new fangled ghosts that can touch things and have just escaped from the asylum, apparently.

So, she's already very interesting. She's nearly the most interesting character so far, but then there's Marian who is clearly awesome and who I'm going to marry some day. I mean, you have to love a girl with that much charisma and natural ease with everyone, who's really shrewd and awesome and can investigate things and generally just walk around being awesome. I can't even tell you how much it bugs me that Walter fancies her much much less interesting sister just because she's, you know, pretty. (Also, can we talk about the fact that she looks so much like The Woman in White? Is that going to be a thing, or should I just stop talking about it now?) This genuinely just makes me want to constantly kick Walter until he admits that Marian is the greatest and that, even though her face is gross (allegedly) she would be the much better companion and that she's just generally the greatest. And, if you'll just let me be really petty for a minute, does Wilkie Collins really have the right to value beauty over everything else? We all saw the dude's forehead, right?

What else? Well, Mr Fairlie is clearly nuts, and that letter written in the third person was about the weirdest thing I've read in a while. Oh, and there's clearly more to Mrs Vesey than meets the eye- she's possibly silently plotting against everyone, and it's only a matter of time before her evil plans come to fruition... Maybe. And, clearly, Sir Percival Glyde has the best name, maybe ever. As an English reader of The Woman in White (and possibly the only English reader in this readalong of it, although I can't be sure about that...) I felt like it was my duty to look up the difference between a knight and a baronet, which, as I'm sure you'll remember, was a thing. And... I'm still not sure. Other than a baronet is a higher honour than a knight (which is why Marian gets all haughty about it) and it's the only hereditary honour which isn't a peerage. Very illuminating, or, you know not.

I totally realise that that last paragraph is going to come back to haunt me when everyone else has figured out what a baronet is, and I'm the stupid person who thought I'd be able to figure it out because of, you know, my nationality. Turns out, it doesn't quite work like that! But anyway- everything's all very mysteriously mysterified, and I'm very intrigued to keep reading. This is as opposed to my feelings last week, where I couldn't be bothered to open it, left it til Saturday evening, and was typing this into Sunday morning (hey, did you all have a good Easter? I probably will/did or something...) So hopefully this newfound enthusiasm will have me reading away like a good little reader this week. We can but hope...

P.S. Did I mention it's my birthday? I enjoy the fact that it's on Easter Monday, because it means I can pretend it's an international holiday just for me, and not for that other dude who died aaaages ago. So enjoy your day off work in my honour!

Things I Think About The Woman In White

If I'm honest, I don't have a lot of thoughts ("Tell us something we don't know!" I hear you cry, and to that I say, DON'T MAKE OBVIOUS JOKES) about The Woman in White or Wilkie Collins. I used to have thoughts about The Woman in White, but they mostly revolved around wondering whether it, or The Woman in Black was the scary play that Frances mentioned sometimes, and which I mentioned more because I'd forgotten again whether that scary woman wore white or black. But one time I did figure it out once and for all (The Woman in Black is the scary one. The Woman in White is... something else, anyway) I promptly forgot about both things.

BUT THEN! Alice announced her Readalong of The Woman in White, and after quickly checking that it was the one sans ghosts, and figuring out there was a Penguin Clothbound edition of it, I signed up and all was good with the world. Also I signed up because, hello! Did I mention that Alice was hosting this readalong, and quite frankly, that is not a thing to be missed! (In a non-related thing, I'm sure you can still join up to readalong with us, just click on the Woman in White readalong tab thingy on my sidebar thing). So. I have a beautiful copy of the book, and I'm going to read it throughout April, I just know nothing about it. Which is sometimes the best way to go with books and is almost definitely the best way to go with mystery books (which I believe this is..?) so yeah. I'm sure it'll be good, and even if it isn't we can make fun of it and RUIN THE LIFE of the one person who thinks it's beautiful and amazing (not that that has ever happened. Much.)

There are two things I know about Wilkie Collins though. One is that I have also sort of committed myself to reading Armadale this year for the back to the classics challenge, so if The Woman in White sucks then I'm screwed, and the other is, well, just look at him:

See anything ENORMOUS that you want to talk about?! I realise that I'm in no way original in talking about his forehead since Alice has already mentioned it, but BLOODY HELL! That's ridiculous. It's like bigger than the rest of his face! I can but sincerely hope that he didn't have children, because that's some cruel genes to pass on. 

So. I've insulted his face and complained about potentially not liking his books. Let's get this party started!