SECOND CONFESSION: It's now Wednesday and I'm only just writing this. Again, don't be like me. Maybe it's a bit redundant to even write this now, but my thoughts on these chapters must be known by the woooorld.
So. Johanna has taken control of her life, repackaging herself as Dolly Wilde (Oscar Wilde's niece. Of course) but still retaining the core of herself so I don't have to worry about her going off the rails (although, you know, the book is young). I'm really pleased that this looks like the way it's going though- although Johanna may have changed wildly on the outside, and to the outside world, internally she's always going to be a little bit odd, and a little bit amazing.
Yeah, that too.
I relate pretty strongly to Johanna's experience with her extended family. She thinks she's going to shock them all by saying she's going to be a music journalist, but instead they take it in their stride, tell her it'll be awesome, and that actually, she's not even the first in the family to do it. I feel like there have been times where I've tried to shock my family by doing something weird (or at least thought they'd be shocked by what I'm doing) only for them to say 'that's cool! I'm glad you're doing something you like' or something of the sort, and that is the number one perk of having a truly supportive family.
And another conversation I've definitely had:
"And there's a whole series of 'You've changed' conversations- like we're trying to collect some kind of set.
'You've changed,' she says, as I come downstairs wearing a small black lace wedding veil.
'Well, that's good isn't it, Mother. Otherwise I'd still be excreting via your umbilical cord.'"I'm not as witty as that, but I have absolutely had conversations with my mum that go 'but you used to love that when you were little!' 'I AM NO LONGER LITTLE.'
And then there was this: maybe the most useful piece of advice I've ever read in a book, and, you know, I've read a lot of books.
"For one awful moment I know, utterly and absolutely, that I- a fat sixteen-year-old girl from a council house in a top hat- will not be able to cope with this situation. I do not know what to say to these rangy rock 'n' roll men.
And then I have what I still, even now, consider to be my single greatest moment of genuis: I will just pretend to be someone who does. That's all I have to do. Ever. Pretend to be the right person for this weird situation. Fake it till you make it."And I know, I KNOW this can basically just be boiled down to 'fake it till you make it' which of course I've heard before, but having it set out like that just makes me go YES, I feel this. If anything, I feel like this is the one piece of advice all teenagers (and, you know, me) could use. Like, of course you don't know what you're doing or where you're going, you're 16. But as long as you act like you do, the rest will come along and all will be well.
That 'fake it til you make it' comment is abso-freaking-lutely perfect. Yes, Moran. YES.ReplyDelete
When you don't know what you're doing... I'm about 85% convinced that's what everyone does, now.Delete
LMAO that last gif. Really shouldn't have read this at work, because I'm giggling now and no one can know why.ReplyDelete
I've definitely had the "you've changed" convos with my mom when I was young. Except she added "It's because of your boyfriend/friends" to it, because god forbid I decided to wear giant black pants because I was into them at the time. (Silly young Sarah.)
Ohhhh, I definitely had the 'it's because of your friends!' thing and it's just like REALLY, MOTHER?! It's mainly just because I'm a teenage asshole hahaDelete
Better late than never, man.ReplyDelete
Isn't this book the swellest? I feel like it might be the swellest.
After this week, I'm pretty convinced it's the swellest. It wins at everything.Delete
But then Krissi makes up for it by knitting and listening to Agatha Christie audiotapes. It is impossible to feel badly towards him for too long.ReplyDelete
Yeaaaaaah, I spose. BUT CROSBY STILLS NASH AND YOUNG ARE NOT CUNTS!!!!!!!!!! Fucks sake, Krissi.Delete
It's possible that Krissi's feelings of hatred toward Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young are overcompensation for the fact that he's uncontrollably attracted to them. JUST A THEORY. Now that Ellie reminded me he's gay.ReplyDelete
I feel like accepting that I DON'T know what I'm doing has been the most important thing for me in my adult life. Because I absolutely despise transition periods or natural seasons of adjustment or the time when I'm learning to do something and don't yet have it mastered. And because I'm always in a hurry to just KNOW already, I sometimes get myself into trouble by pretending I already know? So maybe...sometimes...it's not the best to fake it till you make it. Just for the sake of argument.
I feel like it's either that he actually thinks they're cunts, OR that he's just generally trying to be mean to Johanna, which seems like his main hobby.Delete
Ok, actually I totally get that AND I am also bad in transition phases. Like, I'm really bad at asking questions and just trying to, like, guess what I'm supposed to be doing. So I think it's definitely not always the way BUT I think in kind of social situations where you don't know what the fuck to do (this happens to me more than it should...) just acting like you know what to do might be the way? In the book scenario, e.g. Johanna knows that she needs to write things, she just doesn't know how to act in front of people and that's what she fakes. *nods definitively*
Just, yes, to this. The character you put on, though, whist you are faking it until you have made it, can be someone who is, y'know, intelligent and talented but also not afraid to ask questions and learn. They don't necessarily have to be an expert at the thing, yet. This is not a useful addition to this conversation but it has been a useful realization in my life, so.Delete
I loved that moment when Johanna thought she would shock her family and NOPE they're all supportive and DAMMIT, WHAT WILL SHE DO NOW WITH ALL OF THAT TEEN ANGST?ReplyDelete