Sunday 8 July 2012

Sunday Sundries: Play Nicely On The Internet, Children!

Hey, remember when my Sunday posts used to just be about my week and stuff? That was fun, huh? I'm thinking of changing the title to 'Sunday Soapbox' cause, well, I'm about to get up on my high horse about something that really really really pisses me off. You'll see. It'll be fun!

But firstly, let's talk about my week! It's been pretty meh- mum came out of the hospital on Monday which was awesome, but it kind of took until about Thursday for me to like completely come out of hospital mode- hospital mode being 'ARGH, I can't do anything because I'll be going to the hospital soon, and omg what are we going to have for dinner and I haven't done the washing and what would mum want me to do BLEAHFEAOUFH' which is basically like a heightened anxiety mode or something? I don't know, but either way it wasn't much fun, but I'm mostly over it now (just need to breathe and relax, baby, breathe and relax). And then Friday was all 'hey, let's go back to the hospital and give mum some chemo! Yeah!' which is clearly not as fun as all those exclamation points suggest. Just one more to go now, so... I really can't wait!

And now to the really important part of the post. On, you know, being mean on the internet. So this week I got my first abusive comment, and honestly, I was angry. I didn't feel guilty, I didn't feel bad about myself, I felt FURIOUS that someone had come to my turf and was talking to me like it. See, what I had the nerve to do was write a post saying that I found myself unable to finish watching Generation Kill, because I don't do well watching things about war. In fact, I get really bored. And, to be honest, this post was a excuse to post a few Alexander Skarsgard gifs, and just, you know, express a few opinions.

No normal person would have a problem with this, and yet, I got the rudest comment practically minutes after I posted it. Let's look at this comment, while I 'critique' exactly what was wrong with it:
Wow, this was the shittiest post ever. (Really? EVER?! Clearly you've never read my early posts! And starting with an insult, nice work.) Generation Kill is not only one of the greatest war dramas on television (Well, that's a nice opinion you have there. I'm sure it is. But what I'm saying is, I COULDN'T WATCH IT BECAUSE WAR THINGS BORE ME) but one of the greatest ever (Well, good for it. I'm sure it's glad that such an upstanding person as you has such an opinion on it). If you can't get over "not liking war things" (interestingly, I can't, because I don't want to spend my time watching things I don't like, you know?) you have no place critiquing anything (Really, anything?! Or do you mean 'you have no business disliking things that I like, bitch'?)
Well, I'm pretty pleased with my critique of that little ditty, even if it wasn't my 'place' to do so. For some reason I've decided that my anonymous commenter is male (which is totally unfair, but likes war things? Thinks I should know my place which is no doubt in the kitchen?) but either way, you know, I was greatly displeased.
So, I did what any self-respecting person would do and rallied my troops on twitter, wherein my blogging and real life homies weighed in with hilarious/awesome comments that pretty much made my LIFE, and so really I have to thank Mr/Mrs Anon for leaving such a douchey comment in the first place. To anyone ever experiencing anything similar, I highly recommend this as a course of action, because it'll make you feel better, even if Anonymous dickhead never comes back to see the responses.

Which, of course, anonymous dickheads never do. Nope, they just leave behind their rude and abusive opinions, and never look back. Which is why, of course, it's fine to ignore them, but just as good to present logical arguments as to why their comment is that of an asshole. Much as I love the internet, this is my number one least favourite thing about it, and it was even before it happened to me- for some reason, some people think it's ok to just blow up about nothing, to comment on other people's personal opinions and to make complete jackasses of themselves, all whilst hiding behind anonymity so that they can't be tracked down and made to apologise for being scars on the face of humanity. I literally can't understand why people do it.

Actually, that's a lie. I understand it- these people believe that their opinion, above all others, are superior, and anyone who disagrees with them has to be shouted down. There's no consideration of 'does this person's opinion have any impact on my life?' or 'well, I still like Generation Kill just the same', it's just an immediate, and unnecessary, attack on someone else's thoughts. And it's not just  that, but it's the way it's expressed- believe me, I welcome debate and other opinions of course, and disagreeing with me? Totally not a big deal. For fucks sake, Alice and I have long running Murakami and The Catcher in the Rye feuds, but we manage to restrain ourselves from being abusive towards each other and can just express what we like and dislike about each of them without telling each other that the other person's opinion doesn't matter. You know, like the civilised people do.

So, listen up internet. This is what's up. Opinions are fine. Opinions are great. Opinions make the world go round. But there are two things you need to think about, at all times, when you're going to express yours on the internet:
  1. Tone- Are you about to get disproportionately angry about something someone has said about something you like? Stop. Step away from the computer. Think of a way to express your opinion that doesn't involve invalidating someone else's. Don't be rude. Don't be a dick. Try it, I think it'll make you feel better.
  2. Relevence- Do you even need to express this opinion? Will anyone be disappointed if you don't, and will it be more harmful if you do? This is something that people REALLY need to think about before they comment on Instagram- I don't know what it is about people's personal pictures that make people feel the need to express ridiculous opinions, but really, there's always one... For example, there's this blogging team of 2 sisters, and on a picture of both of them, someone's comment was 'you're SO much prettier than your sister'. How is that a helpful opinion?! These girls are like best friends, so clearly the 'prettier' one (they're both gorgeous, by the way) isn't exactly going to be swooning at this commenter's feet! USE YOUR HEADS, PEOPLE!
Basically, just be cool and be nice, and pretend that the internet is like real life, where you'd never go up to someone and start yelling 'YOUR DRESS IS DISGUSTING, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!' Politeness is never an inappropriate response, because you know what? There are REAL people on the internet, who don't necessarily want to deal with your toxic way of expressing yourself. So don't be a dick, ok? And bloggers, remember- if this happens to you, don't shy away, or meekly accept someone else's bullshit. Send out a battle cry on twitter, and I'll be the first one there to defend you, and I won't be the only one.

I recognise that the tone of all this is rather negative (as, indeed, it has to be) so just to shake it off I'm going to follow one of my favourite ever pieces of advice:

As I instruct you to look at this new blog that I like that you may also like too or something! (This may or may not be a regular thing. We'll see how many awesome new blogs I find on a regular basis). Anyway, this week's new (to me, I should add that. Also, I should add new-ish... Or maybe I should just direct you to it and shhh) blog that's awesome is Oh Dizzle... I think Mandy and I discovered each other through Armchair BEA, and yeah, I really look forward to her posts (which are about books AND other stuff, which is always a nice change) and I like her writing voice and clearly I'm slightly smitten with her blog! So go over to it and see it for yourself if you so desire! And have a good week! (I'm doing a 3 day readathon thing that I've remembered and forgotten about more times than I'd care to admit. So, I might not be doing it at all, we'll see what I remember tomorrow!)

18 comments:

  1. Why do people like that feel the need to say anything? I had a few comments like that a while back and to be honest I just deleted them. I totally get freedom of expression etc, but at the end of the day your blog is your blog and its your opinion - you should be able to write whatever you want about whatever you want really without having to worry about idiots having a go at you about it!!

    Ridiculous.

    Also you made me giggle. It's true, most people would never say something like that to somebody in a real life situation, and I also notice that these people who leave these comments are almost always anonymous, which just seems to me like they don't have the balls to take responsibility for their impossibly stupid opinions. *sigh*

    Glad your mum's out of hospital, always a good thing :-)

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    1. The thing is, there's freedom of expression, sure, but there's also knowing when/how to say something! And also, I *slightly* understand these people more on a more like reputable site (like, I don't know, newspaper websites or whatever- although even then a comment like that would be unnecessary) but this is my teeny blog! I'm just saying crap that I think and nobody's paying me anything for it! Jeez!

      Totally always anonymous douchebags. If I had a comment like that that *wasn't* anonymous, I think I'd actually have slightly more respect for it. Slightly.

      Definitely a good thing, thank you for the gladness :)

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  2. Urrrrrgghh. I'm sorry you had to deal with douchebaggery on top of life stuff. That is too much stuff. Well handled, though! Sometimes tones can get misconstrued over the internet, and something you meant to sound neutral comes across snarky or generally unpleasant, but that gem of a comment is pretty straight-forwardly assfaced. On the plus side, that is an excellent meme.

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    1. Too much stuff indeed! If I was the kind of person to take such comments to heart, I'd be a nervous wreck right now, but since I'm me (and I had some awesome back up!) I just ended up finding it sort of hilarious! I did slightly feel like going 'you can't be mean to me, my mum has cancer!' but, you know, what kind of an argument is that?! (although, obviously, it's a life rule that everyone should follow!)

      Also, YES with tones. Whenever I try to be sarcastic no one gets it, but if I'm genuinely sincere it sounds sarcastic. It's INSANE! Stupid words!

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    2. Woah another kayleigh! I had to stop and think whether I'd already come by here and commented! Ha ha!

      But yeah, people and the internet are the shittiest combination ever if anonymity is involved. Can't help but be kinda glad that douche wrote the comment because we got this hilarious post!

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    3. Hehehe, I know right! Yay my Kayleighs :). Also, I ALWAYS wonder if the Kayleigh is you or not- I must remember that you=picture, other Kayleigh=no picture. There. Sorted. Good.

      Also, aw, I'm funny! Yay! Seriously, on Thursday, about 15 minutes into it I was like 'thank you for leaving this comment, because it allows me to see the internet support I have :D' so that was good too. But still, what a DOUCHE!

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  3. Oh my gosh! Thank you for such a sweet shout out! After reading it, I may have run around the house, harassed the cat, and then jumped up and down for a minute. Yeah. It kind of made my day. :)

    You know what didn't make my day? That asshole comment. I've never understood why people do that. I mean, if you disagree, either think things through and write a respectful rebuttal, or don't say anything at all. Otherwise, you just come off as an idiot. I'm pretty sure that whoever wrote that comment is in a darkened room, watching war movies over and over again...very, very alone. That's how I imagine the lives of most internet trolls -- unbearably lonely.

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    1. Awww, goody! It's the kind of thing people on the internet should do for other internet people, you know?! Also, it's alllll true- I feel really stalkery whenever I go on your blog because I like HAVE to leave a comment, but it's all so good! Hehe.

      See, I either think that internet trolls are really lonely, OR they don't even think about what they're saying, if you know what I mean? Like, they just comment-bomb whoever, without stopping to consider that they've literally just said that to ANOTHER HUMAN BEING, and just go on with their day. And I think the latter is way way worse. And the thing is, I LOVE debate! I love arguing (properly)! If whoever had been like 'oh I like it because this this and this' I would have been like 'ok, I see your point, but still war things, but have a nice day!' But no. Haaaad to be a dick!

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  4. This hasn't happened to me yet...I say yet bc I'm sure I'll get trolled eventually. I use my DELETE button (the literal one and the figurative one) frequently in order to save people's lives ;) Seriously though I hate that this happened to you. Disagreeing is one thing but saying someone's post is shitty...well, that's just rude.

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    1. Exactly! It's the rudenesss that really really bugs me, because I honestly do like debate and disputing opinions- I mean, I'm forever shitting on The Book Thief and I kind of can't control myself when people review it, BUT I'm totally like 'ugh, I had issues with this book, but I'm glad that it made you feel feelings!' which is like disagreeing WHILST acknowledging everyone's right to an opinion! Which is the way to be!

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  5. Don't be a dick. Excellent mantra to repeat while commenting, especially when you disagree with the poster. But look at asshole comment this way, it gave everyone a chance to back you and gave Megs a chance to just set Anon straight, even if s/he (you're right, prob he) never came back to see it.

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    1. Setting him/her straight was the most satisfying (maybe the only?) thing I did that day. Come at us, haters. We'll set you ALL straight...while eating cupcakes.

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    2. It did totally make me feel good to have so much backing! :) LOVE YOU GUYS!

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  6. So much truth in one little post, my friend.

    You know, generally, I think people should be even MORE careful with what they say on the Internet than what they say in real life, because there's so much more room for misinterpretation. Case in point: A strange male (friend of a friend) ended a generally condescending FB comment directed toward me (calling me a bandwagon hockey fan AFTER I TOLD HIM I DON'T CARE ABOUT HOCKEY nearly enough to be considered a bandwagon anything) by referring to me as "cupcake." Then, when a bystander to the conversation pointed out that that might be construed as just a tad sexist, he defended himself by saying that he calls men "cupcake" too. Without even getting into why that's the dumbest defense EVER for anything, I don't CARE what you call your friends. THEY know you; I do not (nor do I care to really). But you have to think about how what you're saying may be received and be extra careful. And then some people just think the Internet is where they get to be the worst version of themselves, and they need to stop that right now. *slaps them all on the hand*

    And the OTHER truthy thing you said is that Mandy's blog is the SHIZ. Because it surely is. THREE CHEERS FOR MANDY. DON'T MOVE TO TEXAS STAY HEEEEEERE.

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    1. Toooootally agree. With it all. Seriously, just be polite on the internet people, and then it's difficult for people to misconstrue your tone! (also, I love that you call this post little because it's seriously MASSIVE! It took about a year to scroll down to find the comments haha!)

      Also, yay you know Mandy's blog!!!! I want EVERYONE EVER to read it because it is the awesome :) (also, totally thought of you when I found it cause I was like 'Megs lives in LA! She should be friends with this person!' So, yeah, clearly I just think about you all the time ;) hehe)

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  7. Man, I'm bummed I missed all the drama cause I totally would have come and whooped some Anonymous ass! What a douche.

    Buy yay you for being all fiery and not taking any crap from some loser!

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    1. Aw, I know you would have! And thank you! And yay to me being fiery indeed- I definitely used to think that if I got some awful comment I'd just be like DELETE and forget about it, but this way definitely feels more... cleansing. Plus it's like an issue that really gets on my tits, so, yeah, couldn't really let it go!

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  8. Sadly, the disrespectful attitude shown in that comment that was left on your blog seems to be par for the course in most of the internet as you mention re: Instagram. I used to be an active participant in a movie discussion forum and people could get vicious about petty things like an opinion about a film. It's always sad when that intrudes into the book blogging world, because for the most part, I have found book bloggers to be extraordinarily civil internet beings. That's one of the things I like about book blogging and something I don't miss about my movie discussion forum days.

    Good on you for your quick uncowed response. Glad you had your troops to rally around you!

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